Why Do we always say this.
Well it is true. in Some way our pasts do come back to haunt us, in some way we will act out and hurt those that we love and those that are close to us.
THE MYTH that Victims will become perpetrators, is just that A MYTH. So please dont make the wrong assumptions. A very small Percentage of men will go on to perpetrate sexual abuse on other children, in fact the majority of men will actually become over protective of Children.
So why do Hurt men Hurt
Well; And this is my personal opinion.....Men act out in many ways, because we are told by society that it is not manly to talk about your feelings. So men internalize everything, and when this happens we act out in the weirdest ways.
A friend of mine asked me if all men act out negatively, and my answer to that is, What is perceived as negative?
Someone that is an alcoholic, Yes
Someone that is a drug addict, Yes
Someone that is anorexic, Yes
Someone that overeats, Yes
People that Surf Porn, Yes
Sex Addiction, Yes
Someone that works 14 hours a day? Mmm this is perceived as a good trait some times
Someone that trains 5 hours a day in the Gym? See this is also perceived as a good trait, "He is such a fit man, works so hard at being healthy"
But are last two mentioned really not negative. Do they not impact negatively on the family. Are they not equally as bad. "Leave daddy alone he is tired"," Daddy cant come to your school play, because he needs to work". Are these things not negative to the family.
So its easy for people to judge those that drink do drugs and have eating disorders, but ask the families if their dad that works to much is really there for them. I have never heard a man say "I wish I had worked harder" on his death bed, or a man say "I wish I had spent more hours in the gym".
It is similar to societies perception of Male survivors, the fact that men cannot be raped, that boys are not sexually abused.
We need to change perceptions, we need to start talking about Men that are raped, about boys that are sexually abused. In the same way we need to realize that as long as we continue to ignore the plight of Male Victims these men will act out negatively because they have no other way of processing and dealing with the pain that they are in.
So how do hurt men hurt:-
Well for me I mentally and emotionally abused my wife and daughter, I terrorized my pets, I was an extreme homophobe, I was always angry always filled with rage.
I have paid the ultimate price for this, in that my marriage crumbled. The hardest part of all this is that if society was more open about the plight of male survivors, I would have gotten help sooner and I could possibly still be with my family.
Well things are past, and I will continue to fight to bring the plight of male survivors to the attention of people in the world. We will continue to strive for equal rights for male survivors. Why can a man not walk into the police station and pen a rape case with out the policeman laughing at him and sending him home.
It is time to realize that if we DO NOT acknowledge the plight of male survivors, we will continue to have husband boyfriends and fathers that are dysfunctional, that hurt the ones thay love, and all this because they DO NOT KNOW. this is very sad.
Lets unite to raise awareness of the plight of Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse and Rape.