Sex is as you can well imagine, a very difficult subject for the survivor.
Considering that for many of us sex, Or a sexual act, was always performed:-
A) Without our consent
B) Against our will,
C) Often with threats attached.
And You wonder why sex is a problem for us.???
One of two things happens to the survivor.
:He either becomes asexual (Not interested in sex) unless of course it is with himself.
:He Becomes a sex addict.
Both of these acts come with one common thread. There is no emotional attachment. We do these things to either relive our abuse, or to in some way gain from the experience that we had by re-enacting the abuse on others. By others I by no means imply that this happens with other children, this would be to sick to contemplate. We re-enact our abuse on our partners. In my situation, when the abuse was happening I would fantasize about being in the bed with two woman. this helped me deal with the abuse whilst it happened. This fantasy was then carried over to the bedroom. When I was making love to my partner, I could not perform unless I was fantasizing about the two woman, any two woman. This naturally held its own challenges.
Porn also becomes a very large factor in the life of a lot of survivors. We use porn to fuel our asexuality. Again we detach and find ways of having "sex" without the emotional attachment.
The odd thing is, that it is this very emotional attachment that we seek so desperately in our lives.
The same is true of the sex addict, the other side of the equation, (At least for me its the other side) The addict seeks to re-enact the abusive behaviour that he experienced on all these partners that he finds. again the more sex that he has, the more guilty he feels and the more empty he feels. So it turns out to be a vicious circle, he is out there having the physical involvement with the men or woman he sleeps with, but he still is not finding the emotional attachment that he so desires. This then leaves the addict empty and searching.
Oddly that when he does find a partner that he can connect to emotionally, he doesn't, he often ends up having wild encounters even after he is married.
We haven't even brought into the sex post the sexual identity crisis, this is a subject for a whole other page.
I welcome comments to the pages, bearing in mind that the posts are Moderated so no horrible content gets through, so please feel free to comment, it is anonymous.
Heal well all