If you Need Help this December because you are not coping
please call us -- 078-457-4911
Sexual abuse has horrible and far reaching effects on the victims lives, not only that but if the Survivors happens to get married, then it will impact hugely on the lives of his family.
The major effect that this had on my families lives was that I was an addict. First alcohol, then Porn and sex addictions, exercise, social media, and obsessive reactions to things like work and relationships, friendships etc.
Starting with the many years that I was drinking and would mentally and emotionally abuse my family, the fact that I was unable to connect with them because I would do whatever I could to avoid intimacy, emotional intimacy and physical, the fact that I was a pathological liar, simply because I was trying anything in my power to avoid people from finding out my shameful secret.
Being a survivor is not fun, but being related to a survivor can also be hell. often the impact on the victims family is worse than the actual abuse itself, simply because we end up hurting our families more.
It was not my child's fault that I was abused, she should not have to suffer the consequences, neither my X wife, it was not her fault either. All she wanted was a prince charming, but she ended up with the toad.
I see in my daughter so many of the pains that I had prayed she would avoid, but alas, its happened. Im not saying its to late, but the effects are there.
The thing is, its never to late, its never to late to change things, to make the past less invasive of the present. It is however entirely up to the survivor, the Survivor needs to make the choice to either live as a victim, or live as the victor, and believe me it is a choice. There is no one on earth that can make your life better but yourself, it is your choice,
You need to wake up and deal with the pain caused in your past, you need to wake in the morning and say JUST FOR TODAY, I CHOOSE TO HAVE A GOOD DAY. or I choose to have one good hour, one good morning, one good afternoon, one good day. These will eventually add up to one good week and then a good month, and god willing become a good year.
We can also choose to remain victims and allow the perpetrators of our pain the victory in our lives. often survivors sit at home isolating and cursing their perpetrators, whilst the very person they are cursing is living the life La Vida Loco.
It is my wish that all Survivors take back their lives, learn from those that have successfully reclaimed their lives. The one common trait in all of us is the fact that we have spoken out about our past, we have taken away the power of silence in our lives and exposed the perpetrators, they are now the ones hiding for fear of exposure. There is a power that comes to the victim when they talk about what happened to them.
I encourage all survivors to go and see The Brave Miss World, it will give you a new insight into the power of breaking the silence.
I Pray that all survivors Choose life.
Be Safe all and be kind to yourselves.
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I was talking to a fellow survivor Elaina Portugal last night, and it was really interesting what she had to say, and the fact that we both agree with one another. I did think of the Great minds think alike saying, but I choose to believe that we are right.
We were talking about healing from Sexual Abuse, and it went a little like this.
It’s sad that some people don’t know how to heal from CSA. Part of them enjoys the sympathy they get from talking about their experiences with others and it keeps them stuck in the victim cycle. It’s easy to garner sympathy from others; our tales are horrific. Some survivors cling to this attention and rather than overcome the abuse, they remain entrenched in it. Many of their needs for love and attention are being met but not in a way that will further their growth or allow them to thrive. Have you ever said, “How are you” to someone you’ve just met only to be met with a diatribe of diseases, ailments and mental conditions, as well as tales of what their family is doing to them? If you know that person, you only make the mistake of asking them that question once. You have met a victim.
Healing is a choice, healing is something that you must WANT to have. Healing is something that takes place outside of the drugs that many are prescribed, outside of the advice and guidance of family, it is done because YOU are sick of the life that you have, sick of the failures, sick of the feelings of inadequacy, sick of the pain that occupies your mind day in and day out.
Healing is when you CHOOSE to face the past, Choose to tackle the pains in your life, Choose to face the hurt that fathers, mothers, brothers and trusted uncles and aunts caused you. It is a difficult choice to make, yes, but the alternative is sad, the alternative is to live the rest of your life in fear and in isolation from the world. The alternative nowadays is easy in that so many people can Isolate themselves in their home and live vicariously through the internet.
This is a sad state to find oneself in and is not healthy, yet many survivors do this and feel like they are connecting to the world.
I implore all survivors, come to the other side, choose healing, choose happiness, choose life.
We are here to help if you choose this.
Be kind to yourself
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This video clip is probably the best one that I have seen on the issue of Gender violence.
This is About society and how we have dumbed down the issues. He puts it like this.
This is About society and how we have dumbed down the issues. He puts it like this.
Lets take a sentence like
John Beat Mary. (This is what happened.)
Soon the sentence will become......... Mary was beaten by John.......what happened?..... this is the passive of the first sentence, and John is moving to the end of the phsyci and is about to fall of the sentence.
Not to long after this it becomes........ Mary was beaten..... The Perpetrator John has now left the building.
In no time what so ever, beaten becomes Battered and....... Mary is a Battered woman.
The Focus is now solely on Mary the Battered woman, and John is not even mentioned.
Sexual and Domestic violence is, according to society, a womans Problem where a few good men help out occasionally. But truth is that men are largely the perpetrators here, yet we make the focus about Woman. Gender also becomes a generic term for Woman, and when the word Gender is used men tune out, because to them it means woman.
This is the same that is understood by the term Children. The minute you put "Children" and "Sexual Abuse" into one sentence, the human physci tunes it out and it becomes a poor little girl in a village somewhere far removed from my life was sexually abused.
People will automatically tune this out because it is easier to accept, to deal with.
Truth is that we need to start looking at WHY? Why is society producing so many men that are hurting Children, Woman. What is it that is happening that makes the men do this. This is what we need to be looking at, this is what we need to be dealing with and changing.
Violence against Boys Girls and Woman is largely about men and we need to change perspectives and get men to want to be involved in changing this. We need guys to stand up and tell their friends that it is no longer cool to talk down about woman, turn around and say that this could be my Sister daughter wife that you are talking about. Don't just sit there and listen to the trash talk, say something about it.
We need to encourage men that are hurting to come out and seek help, lets make it safe for men to get help, to be able to talk about their hurts, their pasts. Lets make it cooler to be a healthy happy man, not a drunken party animal.
We reward men for all the wrong things, wow he's a real party animal, as opposed to Wow he's a really great father and husband.
Its time to change perspectives, it's time to get involved and to make a difference, as a collective rather than as a specific gender.
Join the fight.
Soon the sentence will become......... Mary was beaten by John.......what happened?..... this is the passive of the first sentence, and John is moving to the end of the phsyci and is about to fall of the sentence.
Not to long after this it becomes........ Mary was beaten..... The Perpetrator John has now left the building.
In no time what so ever, beaten becomes Battered and....... Mary is a Battered woman.
The Focus is now solely on Mary the Battered woman, and John is not even mentioned.
Sexual and Domestic violence is, according to society, a womans Problem where a few good men help out occasionally. But truth is that men are largely the perpetrators here, yet we make the focus about Woman. Gender also becomes a generic term for Woman, and when the word Gender is used men tune out, because to them it means woman.
This is the same that is understood by the term Children. The minute you put "Children" and "Sexual Abuse" into one sentence, the human physci tunes it out and it becomes a poor little girl in a village somewhere far removed from my life was sexually abused.
People will automatically tune this out because it is easier to accept, to deal with.
Truth is that we need to start looking at WHY? Why is society producing so many men that are hurting Children, Woman. What is it that is happening that makes the men do this. This is what we need to be looking at, this is what we need to be dealing with and changing.
Violence against Boys Girls and Woman is largely about men and we need to change perspectives and get men to want to be involved in changing this. We need guys to stand up and tell their friends that it is no longer cool to talk down about woman, turn around and say that this could be my Sister daughter wife that you are talking about. Don't just sit there and listen to the trash talk, say something about it.
We need to encourage men that are hurting to come out and seek help, lets make it safe for men to get help, to be able to talk about their hurts, their pasts. Lets make it cooler to be a healthy happy man, not a drunken party animal.
We reward men for all the wrong things, wow he's a real party animal, as opposed to Wow he's a really great father and husband.
Its time to change perspectives, it's time to get involved and to make a difference, as a collective rather than as a specific gender.
Join the fight.
18th November
Last week Thursday we were part of the launch of the #BraveMissWorld Premier. We were given very short notice to organize this event but none the less we had people come to the premiere.
I was impressed with this movie, or should it be called a Documentary.
What impressed me was the raw honesty, it was not like they tried to make Linor out to be this wonder woman. It was raw, honest and emotional, they showed her fight, the struggles that survivors go through, the confusion, the doubts, the fears and the pain.
Her compassion when interviewing other survivors and giving them advise was palpable and I personally was moved by the accounts of survivors. What was to me the best part of the whole docie was that they went back to the Survivors that they interviewed and showed the change in their lives. It was a visible change and you could see the happiness and freedom in their eyes. This is a great testament to the Talk About it protagonists.
Another impressive feature was that they showed a male survivor of sexual abuse, as well as the 200 Men program shown on the #Oprah Show.
It is refreshing that someone is beginning to admit and support the fact that men are sexually abused and that they too hurt from this abuse. Men are not bullet proof, men should be encouraged to share their pain so that they to can heal from their abusive pasts.
We maintain that although men seldom go on to become pedophiles, they do go on to hurt others through the mental and emotional abuse that they perpetrate on their families. I did this and I am not proud of it, in fact this is a shame that I need to forgive myself for.
If we do not encourage men to come forward and heal from their pasts, then they will continue this sort of abuse and we will have another generation of Hurt Children. This is not speculation, we receive calls from partners every week asking for assistance. The best we can do is to get the partners onto our CoDa program, but what do we do for the Children?
Back to the Movie.
We watched the Film and I cried and sobbed and it was awesome. I am So happy that someone with the Stature of Linor Abargil Miss World 1998 chose to do good with her platform, and more so that she chose to include men. That was a brave move thank you. The other two that really need a mention is #Fran Drescher (The Nanny) and Joan Collins, who bravely stood up and told of their Rape, Frans account was especially moving and brought me to tears.
We of course haven't forgotten Cecelia Peck who produced and directed the film. Thank you brave ladies. These have been the best results I have got at an awareness campaign, thanks to this movie.
Out of our small attendance we got 2 men that came and told me about their abuse, not bad and thanks largely to the Movie.
Linor and Cecelia Thank you and when you are in South Africa please let MatrixMen Know so that we can Support your endeavors
13 November
Last night we started working on the ailments that most male survivors suffer and as our first project we chose Depression.
What a shock when as I read throught the signs and symptoms provided all the men just nodded their heads and said Yes Yes yes yes.
No wonder that men that have endured Sexual Abuse struggle so much. Many of the men don't even know why.
So this hole process brought me to a point where I thought that we best start looking at the types of Sexual Abuse and what constitutes Sexual abuse. Many of the men out there feel that what happened to them was nothing and was no "biggie". Well quite the opposite. We are now starting to find that the men that were merely molested are having a harder time coming to grips with there problems than the men that were raped orally or anally.
The biggest thing is that men that were "merely fondled" often feel that it was nothing, truth is that there were such conflicting messages going on in the boys head. Firstly there was the Brain that was saying that this was wrong, the feeling that this was not right, was being overridden by the small brain (The penis) who was saying "Wow that feels nice."
These conflicting messages would most certainly cause a lot of confusion. This is bearing in mind that the molestation happened more than once over a period of time.
Men it is important that we start to deal with all the stuff that happened to us as children.
If you have had any form of Sexual act performed on you as a child by an adult and you are struggling with addiction, depression, PTSD BiPolar, and low self esteem, please please contact us for more information and assistance.
We are passionate about helping men heal from there past abuse, there is no need to suffer.
Be safe
29th October
MatrixMen has been very involved in talking to children at schools with a company called Sensible Choices Skills 4 Life. This is an amazing program where we go to various schools and cities and we have the opportunity to talk to 200 to 300 kids.
What we do is talk to them about Rape and Sexual abuse, the stuff that their parents should be talking to them about. One of the questions I always ask them is "Do you talk to your parents about Sex?". Its odd that perhaps 1% of the children feel that they are able to do this.
What is so hard about empowering your Child? What makes is so difficult to give your child the tools that they need to keep themselves safe? We are not asking you to tell them how to have sex, Rather we are asking you to empower them with the facts about what is acceptable behavior toward them by adults.
90% of rape and sexual abuse cases on children, are perpetrated by people that the family knows and trusts. Teachers, preachers, the youth leaders, scout masters, uncles, cousins, aunties, brothers sisters friends and so on. What you need to tell your children is that it will not always be the stranger on the corner that they need to be weary of, but also people that they are close to. Let them be aware of the fact that they are more at risk in the home than they are out of the home.
The other factor that parents need to be aware of is that a child will NOT make up a story about someone touching them inappropriately below the ages of about 11. Kids do not, or should we say Should not think sexually at this age. They should be more worried about their friends and cloths than sex at this age.
The how to put a condom on talk comes in about 4 years time from this so parents Please talk to your children from a VERY young age about their rights and their bodies and what is and isnt acceptable behaviour from adults.
My favorite saying, "Talk to your kids about sex, before the pervert next door does"
Please keep children safe and empower them to talk to you about the hard things, so that if something is happening to them, they feel that they are able to talk to you about it.
The risks far outweigh the benefits of your perverse sense of modesty.
Be safe all
25th September 2013
We are in Awe of what our brothers in the fight have done over the last week. Samsosa, run by Rees, brought Mike Lew out from the States to do a training program for Therapists. The next day they had an international conference for Male Survivor issues and later the same week they had a Victims No Longer weekend for Survivors of sexual abuse. All of these hosted by Mike
One of the most important factors in all of this was that Rees managed to get Judge Ed Cameron (A sitting Judge on the constitutional court), talk out about Male Survivor issues. At last some serious people are starting to take us seriously. We are no longer the "looney guys"
It has been a bit of a hit and miss session thus far, some people take the issue to heart and others just ignore, well the majority of the people still choose to ignore the issue,
The Victims No Longer weekend was a great success and MatrixMen looks forward to offering our own weekends of recovery in the future. Our main goal is to be able to offer the same sort of weekends to the economically challenged. At MatrixMen we feel that it is important to be able to have a place of healing for all men that are Victims of abuse and Sexual Abuse in South Africa. We have a place that could potentially offer us free basic accomodation and all that the attendees will have to pay for is for the transport to the facility and their food. We cant get cheaper than that unless we get someone to sponsor a Survivor.
I am in Awe of the Humility of the Man that is Mike Lew, his heart and life are dedicated to helping Male Survivors and is so accommodating as to the resources that he offers to groups.
Again I thank him for all that he has done for me personally and for all Survivors world wide.
Thanks again to all of you wonderful people that Support MatrixMen, we hope our NPO number and registration will be out soon and that we start raising funds for the numerous projects that we are planning.
Please keep reading and supporting, and above all keep breaking the silence.
Remember that when Rape and Sexual Abuse becomes a topic that people can discuss over dinner as a family, that is when we will be able to turn back the onslaught of Pedoscheles
This is another struggle Pedophiles means literally translated Lover of children. These men and Woman are not Lovers of children, they hurt children.
A better name for them is Pedochelles, People that want to intentionally hurt or harm Children.
Stay the course wonderful friends, shat soon
28th August 2013
MatrixMen has over the last few months been involved with two organizations.
Sensible Choices NPC Skills 4 Life And Tears South Africa.
Skills 4 Life is a group that organizes skills for school Leavers. These young Children are about to leave high school and Start their young adult lives, So Skills 4 Life helps them with basic skills like time management, Basic Public Speaking, Financial Skills, and Driving Skills. MatrixMen and Tears then come in with training about Abuse and Sexual abuse and rape and where to get help.
Throughout this process The Ford Motor company South Africa has Been our main Sponsor.
Normally I don't Make a big Scene about companies, but when you have been at it trying to get people to listen, well that's why the Management at the Ford Motor company get my Big BIG Thanks. You Guys are amazing, the first company in South Africa to take Male Survivor issues to heart, as well as the education of the Youth about sexual abuse, abuse and rape.
So wherever I can will trumpet the support we receive from Ford SA, Thank You for supporting Sensible Choices NPC and Indirectly supporting MatrixMen to get the message out there.
So why am I gushing So much.
Well if you have been involved in trying to Raise awareness about Male Survivor issues in South Africa, then you will know how hard it is to get people to listen, let alone take you seriously. From the minute we got involved in the Skills 4 Life program, they have taken us seriously and have been a tremendous support.
We have helped Many many youngsters and I know that we have gotten through to many others as well as some teachers.
This is a really great program and to all involved I say well done and keep going.
21 August 2013
Today for a change we awake to some good news. The South African Police Service have Bust a child Porn Syndicate that involved two teachers and a principal at an upmarket Private School in Nelspruit.
We are off course grateful for the efforts of the South African Police, and Thank them for the work that they have done in respect to breaking this case. We really applaud your efforts and know that you sometimes face insurmountable odds investigating these cases. Your efforts are truly appreciated by victims and parents around the country.
The most important factor here and now is getting hold of the victims and getting as many of them into counseling as we possibly can. The best way forward for these children is to get help as soon as possible. I suppose that the principal and his side kicks have been at it for a while so it is important to reach out to the older victims of their heinous crimes.
GRIP is an Awesome Organization In Nelspruit that Specialize in helping victims of Sexual Abuse, so if you know someone that was a victim, send them in that direction. MatrixMen is of course happy to help as much as we can.
You can get the details for Grip on Here, so please don't think that you are alone as a victim and remember that IT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT. These horrible people groom their victims and use them, the child is always innocent, so NEVER BLAME YOURSELF.
I hope and pray that we can get to all the victims of these horrible people so that they at least have a chance of leading a Semi Normal life.
We at MatrixMen Will make every effort to help the victims of this abuse, Hopefully we can muster enough support to ensure that these sick men get prosecuted.
Read the full story Here
One thing that we need to point out here again is that this sort of thing happens everywhere, No child is safe. Please Parents don't think that your kids are safe because they are in a Private School, this is not a class specific disease, it can happen to anyone that is not educated about the facts of Child Abuse
07 August 2013
There is A Victims no longer weekend on in Johannesburg South Africa. This weekend is for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse that have been to some form of therapy and want to have an intense weekend of recovery. This is going to be an amazing weekend.
The Weekend will be facilitated by the Man Himself Mike Lew, a leader in the field of male survivors and author of Victims No Longer and leaping of mountains.
If you would like to attend the weekend Please contact me and let me know. There are few a places left. The cost of the weekend will be R995.00, including all meals, coffee tea etc.
The Organizers have also agreed to allow people to pay of this cost if you find it a little high.
Call me now this will change your life.
+2778 457 4911 or
email martin@matrixmen.org
We need to finalize numbers by the 17th of August 2013
The dates for the weekend are20th to the 22nd of September 2013
The Carnage Continues
We awake to this sort of news time and again. The first story that made an impact was the case of Anine Booysen back in February of this year. Why that particular case made the headlines, I don't know. There have been numerous such cases over the years and being involved we know that Anine was certainly not the last one.
Now we have received news again that in the Western Cape a 4 month old child and her 7 year old brother were raped. The four month old has undergone surgery to repair the damage but we know that this will affect her for the rest of her life.
We Keep Complaining and shouting after it has all happened, but these actions are not doing anything to prevent the spread of this scourge.
So what's the solution ?
Well it is certainly not going to be an easy one, and it is not going to happen overnight. But the crux of the matter comes down to the fact that NO ONE TALKS ABOUT THIS.
By not talking about the sexual abuse of our children, we are allowing the perpetrators/abusers free reign. The perpetrators/Abusers know that the chances of getting caught are practically zero. Now I know, people will now turn around and blame the South African Police, But it is not them. The Police, above all, are sickened by this and off all the crimes, abuse cases are taken most seriously and do get solved. This, they do well with limited resources.
So what can we do to make life difficult for the perpetrators........Talk about abuse with our children, talk about sex with our children, know off course a 4 month old cannot be told about sex, so we as adults need to talk about Sexual Abuse.
Sexual Abuse is something so despicable that we do not want to talk about it, but we must, we need to break the stigma attached to this Scourge, we need to make it less shameful. It must become Dinner table discussion fare, and once we adults can talk about the facts openly, then we will be able to destroy the shame that is attached to rape and sexual abuse.
Why is it that the men and many women I know only start to deal with this once they have had a massive midlife crisis? It is because they are so shamed by what has happened to them. Why? it was not their faults, it was not something that they as children chose to do, the little kids were not dressed in an alluring way, they weren't "sexy" Kids do not ask to be sexually abused as woman and men do not ask to be raped.
We really need to break the silence, we need to be courageous and stand up and say that we are not afraid to talk about Sexual Abuse and Rape.
At a recent skills training weekend, one of the children said "We learnt about many things including some "Sensitive" stuff, rape and abuse" Why is it that driving drunk and using drugs is OK to talk about but rape and abuse aren't. It is all perception, and we need to change that perception.
BREAK THE SILENCE lets talk about this, let us no longer shelter the abusers with our secrecy and shame. The shame is not ours, we were innocent victims.
05 August 2013
MatrixMen has several objectives that we are trying to attain.
First and foremost it is to raise awareness around the issue of men that were sexually abused as children. This is and will forever remain or primary objective.
Next we want to provide the resources that are required for these male survivors to recover, whether it be through educating counselors, assisting therapists, group sessions or providing one on one counselling.
Our third objective is to start an education process that will teach children that any form of sexual abuse is not acceptable and that if they are in an abusive relationship or situation, there is help available.
Sometimes it feels to us, that this is an insurmountable challenge. It becomes even harder when we have radical feminists parading around shouting that all men are are bad and evil.
This makes it harder for men to actually come out and face what has happened to them. We never judge anyone, survivors more than anyone know that we don't judge till we know what that person has been through in their life.
The biggest battle we face is to break the most stigmatised ailment in the world, (and we use the term ailment as we don't know how else to put this) and until the world faces the fact that this happens to boys, a lot, it will forever remain hard for men to recover.
We have a saying at MatrixMen, Hurt men Hurt. This is a fact and until men are allowed to face their abuse and allowed to heal from it, they will in some way or another continue to act out and negatively affect those close to them.
The best way to start breaking this stigma is to Break the Silence that surrounds childhood sexual abuse. Until people are able to openly talk about it, men and woman alike will feel to shamed to come out and talk about their abuse.
Please join us in spreading the word about aduse. Talk to your friends, like this page and invite friends. If 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys (Conservative figures)are being or have been sexually abused, then it is a certainty that you Personally know someone that has endured sexual abuse as a child.
Chances are that they have repressed the memories and dont remember what they have been through.
Help spread the word and help change a life.
Thanks all for being friends of MatrixMen
23 July 2013
Hi All
Tonight ois the meeting for the Ladies. A survivor to thriver meeting to be held at the Crescent Clinic.
Remember that this is for all Female Survivors of Sexual abuse above the age of 18
Time:- 7:30 pm
Where:- Crescent Clinic Bromhof Randbur
Meeting Room 1
Contact Ronnelle 084 990 0584
17th July 2013
WORKING
WITH MALE SURVIVORS OF SEXUAL ABUSE
A one-day
professional development workshop for people working with men who were sexually
abused or raped
This workshop is designed for anyone working
with (or thinking of working with) male survivors, professionally or in the
voluntary sector, including therapists, counsellors, social workers, medical
personnel, teachers, police, clergy and students.
JOHANNESBURG
17th September - GIBS Business School
CAPE
TOWN 25th September - Backsberg Estate
PRESENTED
BY: MIKE LEW
Author
of the world-renowned “Victims No Longer: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering
from Sexual Child Abuse”
Mike Lew will present and
review knowledge and skills found to be useful when working with male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse. Topics
include:
Ø A
greater understanding of effective (and ineffective) approaches for working
with non-offending adult male survivors of sexual child abuse and other trauma.
Ø Understanding
the difficulties and realities of recovery.
Ø Gaining
information about specific needs of male survivors.
Ø Recognition
of issues for professionals who work with male survivors, including stress,
burnout, compassion fatigue, and the need for self-care and support.
COST R895
including refreshments, lunch and notes
For
more information contact Rees on 071 280 9918 or rees@samsosa.org or visit the webpage www.samsosa.org
15th July 2013
I have'nt posted for a bit here, so I thought that it was about time.
To start with we have another Survivor to thriver meeting on Tuesday the 16th of July and this is the MEN'S meeting.
Just to fill you all in, we are alternating the meetings on a two week rotational. One week is for Male Survivors, and the other is for Female Survivors. So please check before you come through.
Also an important time for male survivors and therapists is in September when SAMSOSA is hosting Mike Lew in a series of meetings for therapists, as well as a Survivors weekend of recovery. Thanks to Rees for organizing all of that, and I personally am very excited to meet Mike Lew.
Other than that Please follow us on Facebook and on Twitter, We really need all the support that we can get to be able to get the message out there for males that have endured Sexual abuse. We are still getting people calling us from all the press that We pushed for, and the interviews on radio.
I will start the process again and get more airtime and marketing going. There are a couple of irons in the fire.
To all male survivors, and female survivors for that matter, there is help available, you dont have to be hurting and struggling through this alone. So please dont be afraid to call us and seek help and counseling.
You can call Martin on 078 457 4911
Ronelle on 084 990 0584 for the ladies and you can also call our recovery coach John on 082 728 4766.
So our resources are growing and what we are able to offer is improving.
Chat soon
01 July 2013
Dont forget the Survivor to thriver meetings for Male Survivors of Sexual abuse at the Boskruin Crescent Clinic on the 02 July 2013. The Meeting is open to all male survivors of sexual assualt and Sexual abuse over the age of 18.
If you would like more info contact Martin on 078 4576 4911
Well It is still the 29th and it is not often that I write two stories in one day But this one is important.
Finally our Justice minister has pledged to open the much awaited Sexual Offenses courts in South Africa. There will be 6 Courts built over the next few years. We all wish the Minister the best in this endeavor. People need to understand my reluctance to get excited as things do have a tendency to not work out as planned in South Africa. Sorry I promised to not get political on this website.
So why am I a little upset.....well read this
And I quote off the SABC news website, the propaganda pages.
"Justice Minister Jeff Radebe can now prioritise the much vaunted Sexual Offences courts. "We have adopted a zero-tolerance stance towards rape, violation of the rights of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex and other forms of violence targeted against our mothers and daughters," says Minister Radebe."
Our Mothers and Daughters, Gays Wow again the normal Boys and Men are Ignored. And some people ask me why I am so fervent about pushing this agenda, Wow.
When is the world going to acknowledge that Boys and men are Raped and sexually abused, and that we are entitled to heal and not feel ashamed about what happened to us as innocent children, and that one does not necessarily have to be gay if you were abused. We were just Victims Innocent children.
When even our Minister of justice chooses to blatantly ignore the plight of men that are hurting, then what.hope do we have.
We need to create an environment where men feel comfortable to come forward and seek healing, a place where they do not feel judged and guilty.
Please Mr Minister, Guard what you say, with one in five men hurting from sexual abuse, your words are causing many many men to climb back into there caves. You are reversing the small gains that groups such as ours are making in encouraging men to seek healing.
We do support all that you are doing in this project, It is a much needed and long overdue project, but please do not marginalize a large sector of society. Do the math that's in excess of 5 million men in this country that have been abused.
29th May
It is Child Protection week and we are still fighting the good fight. I listened to the radio intently this morning as a reporter spoke of the young girls that walked the streets of Pretoria, (or is it Tshwane).
This is, I know, a disgusting thought that any old pervert can walk up to a street lady and ask them where they can get a young child,u and get it. These young girls are there because of two reasons. A) Necessity, they are heading a home with little brothers and sister and this is the only way that they can put food on the table. B) Through sex trafficking. Both of these situations are horrible and point to one factor and that is that we have FAILED OUR CHILDREN, as interested citizens and as a government.
This is a truly sad situation.
What is for us at MatrixMen even more tragic is that in all of this, no mention has been made of the Thousands of little Boys that have been forced onto the streets of Johannesburg, Pretoria, Cape Town and Durban, to work as prostitutes. These little boys that have not been given a choice and are in fact to young to even make these decisions for themselves.
We are not complaining about the campaign waged by various organizations, In fact we whole heartedly support them. What we think is massively important is that we start to recognize that Boys are affected just as badly by this as the girls are. Mearly mentioning Child abuse as an issue is not highlighting the plight of sexually abused boys, and thus does not help to break the Stigma that surrounds Male Survivors Of Sexual Abuse.
Please Everyone, in this world where everyone wants equality in the eyes of the law and equality in the work place, allow men and boys to heal from their sexual abuse. HELP TO DE-STIGMATIZE MALE SURVIVORS AND SEXUALLY ABUSED BOYS.
To all that are working tirelessly to beat this plague, My hat goes off to you. This I know is a thankless job, But I thank you all, to Teddy Bears Clinic, Sonke Gender Justice and the thousands of other organizations THANK YOU.
17th May 2013
There was a talk on SaFM radio on Male Survivor issues this morning and We were mentioned. The response has been awesome and men that are battling to live with their pain are calling in and asking for help. Isnt it awesome that one mention on the radio gets men talking. Without fail, the men call me and start to talk, and the tears begin to flow, THIS IS AN AMAZING EXPERIENCE for these men that have been struggling with the hurt and the pain on their own for so long.
If only we could open a forum once a month that would enable and empower men that have endured Sexual Abuse to call in and talk about what happened to them.
We really need so much awareness around this issue, and I am so so grateful that we get these little bits of airtime here and there.
The saying "How do you eat an Elephant, One bite at a time" comes to mind. This monster is not going to change in one week so we have to do it a step at a time.
My Gratitude goes out to the radio stations that do allow us the time to talk about this so THANK YOU.
I just read something that says "PROMOTE WHAT YOU LOVE RATHER THAN BASH WHAT YOU HATE" I love this and it is so true. So again Thank you to the Radio Stations that afford us time Radio 702 Radio 567 Cape Talk and SA FM I mention you all by name, because you have been the best.
13th May 2013
After all this time writing blogging, twittering and Facebooking, if that is a word, we are finally getting people to pay attention.
I am currently talking to several groups that are admitting that we need to stop this Feminist approach to Rape and Sexual Abuse. People are slowly starting to admit that Rape Is not a gender based crime, Rape is about power and Ego. Although many "reported" rapes are perpetrated by men, (and these are sick men) we are getting to a point where people are seeing that men are victims and women are also perpetrators.
This I know is hard to swallow, but it is a truth that we as a collective will have to Admit to some time.
What is More important is that ALL organizations involved in the prevention of Sexual Abuse need to start pooling their abilities and have a concentrated and co-ordinated effort to fight the scourge of rape and childhood Sexual Abuse.
Fighting this scourge is not going to be achieved through people with selfish or greedy agendas, but rather by people that are prepared to put their egos aside and fight together as a collective,
We implore all involved in this fight to please draw together and stand united in this battle. It is a tough one.
Lets come up with a national plan with a common goal, then each one of us can play our role in our own area of expertise, and achieve a common goal, the eradication of Sexual Abuse and Rape
12th May 2013
Its Mothers day, and for many, its is not something that we want to celebrate. Some survivors were abused by their Mothers. This is probably the most intense of all Abuse, because it is our mothers that are supposed to love and nurture us. They are the ones that are supposed to put their children's welfare, safety and well being above even their own needs.
So what makes the mothers want to do this? well if we knew that, then we would probably have eradicated the source of many of the Sexual Abuse cases. But truth is that the closest we come to knowing is that the Mothers themselves have endured abuse in some way so that they found a way to cope with it is through abusing their own children.
So what can we as survivors do about it, well ultimately, we need to forgive, this does take a long time, and I don't say this lightly.
The thing about hatred is that it will eat us alive and the abuser can go about their lives as though nothing has happened. They, after all, do not know that we are hurting.
In this time, please take care of yourselves survivors, this can be a tough time. Please remember to put yourselves and your needs first.
Take care of yourselves.
8th May 2013
Well there is a lot happening in England and although it might be causing a lot of Survivors a lot of stress and mental anguish, it is actually a good thing.
The British Police have in fact set a precedent here, and I am really IMPRESSED. They have shown with the subsequent arrests of a wide range of people, famous or not, hat they are taking this very very seriously.
I would like to pass on my compliments to the management of the British Bobbies, and say thank you for showing the world that you are serious about tackling the issue of Childhood Sexual Abuse.
We know that these crimes are incredibly difficult to prosecute, and I pray that you have taken all the necessary steps to ensure that the evidence is there and that the cases will go through to senticing.
Through your actions, you have shown other police services in the world that they can take these crimes seriously and that if there is a will to follow up o this sort of crime, then it can be done.
The other important factor here is that you are sending a message to all the pedophiles in England that they need to stop there abuse, that they canoot continue with impunity anylonger.
So from MatrixMen South Africa to the British Police THANK YOU, as a survivor of Sexual Abuse it is nice to finally be heard.
Keep up the good work
For all the survivors in Britain, there are several really really good outreach programs in the UK, PLEASE dont be afraid to reach out for help. I know that hearing all these stories and seeing all of this in the press can be incredibly stressful, but please dont be afraid to reach out for a helping hand. The first few months after remebering the abuse are often the hardest, but it does get better....I Promise.
6 May 2013
We have been allowed to speak on the local radio stations twice now in the last week. I have spent nights talking to men that have called me Spoken to me until 1 in the morning sometimes.
If this is not an indication that men need a place where they can talk about and heal from their pain, well then I dont know what is.
It has been a relentless time of sitting on Twitter and Facebook for endless hours talking to people and tweeting trying to raise awareness around this issue. It has been worth it.
I need to thank Cape Talk 567 and Radio 702 for allowing us this platform to talk openly about the issues that men face. It is such an important topic and I know that if men get off their high horses and face the facts they will realize that their worlds dont just revolve around themselves and that there are millions of men that are suffering from the effects of Sibling abuse and Sexual abuse.
We are not trying to destroy all that is man but rather outline what a Real Man is. We are Macho, we are strong, but we can also be sensitive and have emotions, we not only fix the gutters but also do the dishes.
Why don't you Men go onto our What makes a MatrixMan page and outline what you feel makes a "Real" Man
Join the war, It will be worth it.
3 May 2013
We were invited to talk on the radio last night and I wish that we had the opportunity to do this once a week, what a powerful medium. Even though the talk was after midnight, we had the highest ever number of hits on our blog, and I sat up for a long time after chatting to a Survivor that called immediately.
I am Blown away by the response. I don't know how many people called in and spoke on the topic, so I am afraid it might not have made entertaining radio, but it sure as hell can change lives, this I know from the Guy that I spoke too.
Again Thanks to the Producer and The Presenter Colin, who I could find nothing about, but it is really appreciated that you guys had the courage to ask me to talk about Survivor issues.
So to Radio 702 and 567, Thank you for the opportunity and now how about a regular slot mmmm Say an hour once a week? hahahaha I can tell you that we will reach a lot of hurting men, but then again I know that you know that. Thank you once again, If I could give you the order of the Baobab I really would..
This is the only way that we are going to start getting the word out to the country, and that is by the media taking this problem seriously and allowing us to tell our stories.
This again brings out the concept of our Documentary, where we will be able to tell the stories of Survivors in South Africa and how the abuse has impacted on the lives of Survivors.
I know in my heart that this is going to be the most effective way of getting the message out their, Survivors telling their stories and other survivors will hear this and be able to relate.
Healing from this is possible and I am grateful that I am slowly chipping away at the minds of the media, that the endless hours writing blogs and being on Facebook and twitter are starting to pay off and that I do not sound like the one crazy Loon shouting about something that does not exist.
See persistence does pay, Have a vision, have a dream a goal and don't let anyone dissuade you. Dream it and you can achieve it, and I encourage all Survivors to tackle their healing in the same way.
Again thank you to the radio guys for having the courage to let us tell the country what we do.
2 May 2013
We are embarking on a huge project to raise awareness of the effects of sexual abuse on men and the prevalence thereof.
There is nothing worse for men than the fact that the world chooses to overlook our suffering and deny that this does happen. At the moment I seem to be the lone voice in the wilderness, the crazy guy that runs around making up stories about the effects of Sexual abuse and how much it does actually happen. I am interviewed often and the stories either don't get published or they get a small Paragraph on page 10.
There are millions of men suffering from the effects of sexual abuse on their lives and I feel that the impact of their suffering is still not understood.
I ramble, apologies. So the project is...... Ta Daaaa......We are embarking on the filming of a documentary showing the real lives of men in South Africa, what happened to them, what they did to try and cope with it and what they are doing to deal with it now.
We want a no holds barred movie about what really happens to innocent boys around the world.
We know that there are millions of Boys that are sexually abused, we know that they are Christian, Muslim, Black White, Rich, Poor Gay and Straight. This Scourge does not choose who it hurts, It will take anybody.
If you are a Male Survivor of Sexual abuse in South Africa, and you would like to tell your story, please send me a Mail or call me. You will not have to appear in the movie, we can get actors to do that, you will not have to give your name. We would of course prefer if you are brave enough to to appear as yourself, but it is not a prerequisite.
Counseling is available (Free of charge) to all that do appear in the movie and it will be a brilliant way to break the cycle of abuse in your life
Be a part of the Liberation Movement, the one that will bring men out of the shadows and show the world that we don't have to be Hollywood action men to be real men, that in actual fact the men that have endured sexual abuse are far stronger and have endured far worse than most of what the movies portray. Help to Break The Silence of Sexual Abuse, this will begin to Change the world, be the change.
Email me martin@matrixmen.org or call me 078 457 4911 and sign up to Be The Change.
Bless you all
Martin
16thApril 2013.
We have not written for a while but feel the need to do so two days in a row.
Yesterday a young girls parents had to turn of the life support systems of their young daughter who tried to kill herself because she was gang raped and and videos of the raped were posted on the net. This poor child was so shamed that she tried to kill herself, the attempt was unsuccessful at first, but eventualy she sucumbed to her injuries.
It is time people, to to loby that people that post these sorts of videos or pictures should be subject to a mandatory sentence, more so any web site that Posts these videos of drunk girls getting raped should be banned. Is it OK to post a crime in progress on the internet, one that is so shameful and degrading as the rape of an innocent?
It is time that the world tightens its moral belt, that we start to get a conscience, that we actually start to protect the innocent.
What disturbs us is that for every 3 females that are raped, one male is raped and Nothing is every said about this. We need to start facing the depravity that exists in the world and start to fight for some form of morality. DO WE WANT OUR CHILDREN TO BE A VICTIM OF THIS SCOURGE?
Please read the Article
15th April 2013
It is Not hard to find bad news all the time, Especially in South Africa when it comes to rape and child abuse, But it is hard to write about it all the time, so it has been a while since we wrote about anything on the blog. I have been on training courses and am working on becoming a recovery counselor and coach.
MatrixMen is making inroads and slowly but surely people are beginning to take notice of us, so we spend a lot time on Twitter and FB to raise awareness off the effects of sexual abuse on the lives of men.
Most people in South Africa still dont see the connection and a lot of people, even professionals, dont want to wake up to the fact that CSA does have a huge impact on the lives of Male Survivors. When we talk about it I am sure that most people think that we are a bunch of Nuts.
We will continue to push the agenda, we will continue to talk out about it, and we will continue to fight the good fight against CSA.
Thanks to all that support and read our blog, we really appreciate it and we are now getting to a point where we get more hits from SouthAfrica than we do from The USA, Canada and Europe, So thank you all for the support.
We will be announcing a HUGE fund raising project in a few months time, it is a huge project for such a small organization and we hope that it will make a massive impact.
Thanks again all for your continued support.
5th April 2013
Being an organization of activists that tries to raise awareness of the effects of sexual abuse on Men, We are astounded at the apathy that surrounds this serious matter.I cannot emphasize enough, that men who were sexually abused that cannot find help, will often turn to the wrong things to help them cope. At MatrixMen we have a saying "Hurt Men Hurt" and this is true. I talk to so many people that are ashamed to tell of their abuse, but what they unconsciously do to their families is terrible. It is something that believe me they do not want to do but end up doing anyway. Read the page on some of the effects, and you will begin to get an Idea of what happens. This scourge is ripping apart families, its ripping apart partners its destroying lives.
If we take the ripple effect of sexual abuse then we will see that companies are loosing billions because men who work for them are Suffering. If a company in South Africa employs 100 men 20 of them are survivors. These men are not able to function properly. Yet when we ask for donations to help spread the word, we are told that this is not important enough. Well then carry on paying for those people that are taking to much time off, or those that are destroying their lives with drugs, or those that are drinking excessively.
It is a tough topic but one that hs to be spoken about.
I hope that there is a brave company out their that is prepared to help us and not ashamed of the stigma attached to the topic of male Sexual Abuse.
Follow us on Twitter and please Like Us on Face Book we need all the support we can get
26 March 2013
AGAIN GAIN AGAIN
This weekend again a young girl was raped Mutilated and Murdered, Why??? What is it in our society that makes these young men want to do this, are we as a nation so depraved, so sick. It did not take us long to turn the tables on Poor Anine Booysen, for people to justify her rape and murder by blaming her for "inviting" it.
How many will it take before the country will turn around and say "yes we do have a problem" "Yes we do need to do something about this"
There is a lot of pain out there, there is terrible anguish out there, when will we start paying attention to these young men and woman that are hurting so much. They are our future, and if this is our future, I fear it.
ONE IN FOUR GIRLS AND ONE IN FIVE BOYS WILL BE RAPED BEFORE THEY ARE SIXTEEN. When will we start to repair the pain. BREAK THE SILENCE, CONTACT US AND PUT YOUR NAME DOWN
18 March 2013
Again this weekend we awoke to the news of a 7 year old girl that was raped and murdered.
Limpopo girl, 7, dies after rape, man arrested
A seven-year-old girl has died in a Makhado hospital after she was raped and left for dead in a street, Limpopo police said on Sunday.
She died in the Elim Hospital on Saturday night, Brigadier Hangwani Mulaudzi said in a statement.
Her grandmother had sent her to deliver keys to a man at his house in Hlanganani, near Malamulele. She failed to return. Two boys found her in the street, bleeding and unconscious.
"It was confirmed by at the hospital that she was brutally raped. A post-mortem will be conducted soon to determine the cause of death.
My deepest sympathies go out to the family of this innocent child. She did not deserve such a horrible horrible ending. What is however of concern to us is the fact that we know, because of stats produced by the MRC (Medical research Council) in South Africa, 1 in 4 girls will be abused and 1 in 5 boys will be raped before the age of 16.
This means that there are as many Boys hurting as there are Girls hurting out there. We need to raise awareness of this scourge in South Africa, in fact world wide, about Male victims. Please join us in Raising awareness about this scourge.
15 March 2013
Just to give you all an idea of what we fight against in South Africa. We fight not only narrow minded people, but also a government that refuses to takes the Constitution of our country seriously, and refuses to enforce it. A constitution the Guarantees the rights and protection of Children.
Perhaps we need to get the estimated number of little Boys and Girls that will be abused in this country this year and stand them before the parliament building so that the so called leaders of our nation can see what they are doing to the future leaders of or nation.
This is an extract from one of our newspapers in South Africa the Sowetan
BASIC Education Minister Angie Motshekga has revealed that 45% of teachers found guilty of sexual offences in the last three years are still in the classrooms.
In an oral reply to a parliamentary question posed by DA MP Annette Lovemore, Motshekga said 289 complaints of sexual abuse had been received by the SA Council of Educators (SACE). Of these, 62 teachers who were found guilty were still being allowed to teach.
In the reply, Motshekga said they had been struck off the roll, however "their striking off was suspended for a certain period on condition that they do not make themselves guilty of misconduct during the period of suspension".
She also revealed that of the 289 complaints, 67 teachers had been permanently struck off the roll, and that only 136 cases had been finalised in the three-year period.
Between 2010/2011 and 2011/2012, the number of complaints against teachers had also increased from 78 to 126.
SACE spokesman Themba Ndhlovu said each case of sexual abuse was treated differently depending on the offence and the circumstances around it.
"If the teacher is proposing love to a learner ... it is wrong for that teacher to do that, [but] we can say we are striking you off the roll but because of the merit it is suspended. If they raped or had sex with them [learners] then they are off the roll permanently," he said.
Lovemore said it was "simply unacceptable" that such teachers retained their positions.
"In terms of section 17 of The Employment of Educators Act, a teacher must be dismissed for committing an act of sexual assault on a learner or having a sexual relationship with a learner of the school.
"The Government is clearly not taking the scourge of sexual violence and the welfare of our children seriously," Lovemore said.
This is BTW the same minister that lied about the delivery of Text Books to the schools in Limpopo, when last year, half way through the year, the children still did not have text Books.
Well Mr Lovemore we at MatrixMen agree with you whole heartedly, and we would really like to see the Government take its responsibilities to uphold the constitution seriously. Perhaps we like so many other organizations need to take them to court before they will do what the people elected them to do.
Mr President you are not the rightful owner of this country, you are merely a Guardian of the country for the future generations. Please protect our children so that this country will have a future.
13 March 2013
The Jerry Saville case is making things hard for the survivors in the UK.
As was the case with the Penn State case in the USA, It is in the news so much and survivors are being triggered hearing the news all day long. This is bringing up repressed memories and all sorts of bad things.
So to all in the UK. If you are feeling triggered sit down and take a deep breath, and do the following:-
Breath In counting slowly to three
Hold the breath in for three counts
Breath out slowly for three counts.
Continue to do this till you feel the anxiety pass. Don't start drinking, or take anti depressants that aren't prescribed avoid any drugs. Just breath and breath until the anxiety passes, IT WILL.
There are survivor groups in the UK if not drop us a mail and we will assist you in finding one. Get help call a suicide hotline and talk to someone.
After the initial shock settle down, and through one of the survivor support groups, get hold of a therapist that can help you.
Most of all remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, you are not the only one and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. This is just your brains way of saying it is time to deal with all of this.
There is a lot of help available and healing from CSA (Childhood Sexual Abuse) is something that many many men have done successfully.
Don't be embarrassed to call for help or call a helpline.
05 March 2013
There is so much to do in this fight against Child Abuse and Sexual Abuse. Today we heard that the Baby Wade Killers were given 10 and 11 years respectively for his Murder.
The Killers were his mother and her boyfriend. The extenuating circumstances were..... We were abused as children and we were on drugs, ----yeah I'm sure Baby Wade cares about that now.
Now to give you some idea on what this monster did to this child.
Wade had 22 broken ribs, broken arms, his brain was so swollen that this was what eventually killed him, he had Visible Bruises all over his body and as it turns out the brain swelling was as a result of The Monster PUNCHING the child in the face. I want to puke just typing this.
Now for the real kicker........ Wade was 2 MONTHS OLD.
Does this not want to make you cry, I know I am as I type this.
I know thousands of abuse survivors and I can promise you that NONE of them would EVER hurt a child.
If you have been abused as a child and If you ever have the desire to hurt a child, call us, let us help you get rid of your anger. Survivors DO NOT HAVE TO PERPETRATE. Survivors do not have to suffer. Please men, put your male pride in your pocket, and get help.
Real Men Care For Woman And Children.
Become a Real Man Become A MatrixMan
04 March 2013
Today we called in to a radio station whilst they were talking about what a specific organization does for the victims. I do declare that I get a little hot under the collar when people talk about sexually abused children and say that it is mainly girls. They kind of mention boys in passing, "Oh some times boys are abused. but not as often as girls" We need to get away from this sort of thinking, its like the myths that surround Male survivors, the Dracula effect, the It doesn't happen to boys, Boys cant be raped, and so on.
There are almost as many Boy victims as there are Girl victims. If our own Medical research council releases numbers like 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 5 boys will be raped by the age of 16, well then logic dictates that there are almost as many male victims as there are female. Now I know that it is not easy for girls to get help, but if the experts are going to continue to fob off male victims, then there is absolutely no hope for the male victims.
Please everyone, lets work together to prevent this scourge, this blot on the fabric of our society.
This is not a competition to see who is more abused, boys or girls. This is something that has to be spoken about, something that needs to be brought out into the open so that male victims can also seek help. Why do I feel that MatrixMen is here to eradicate the sexual abuse of ALL children, and some are only interested in helping the girls. I know that this is a wacky statement, but that is what it feels like. Yes we are more vocal about the Male aspect, that what we do, but we will never NEVER place one Sex Or race ahead of another in this battle.
Let us all band together to fight the scourge of Childhood sexual abuse and tell Victims, Male and Female, that there is help available.
Yesterday there was someone I know that tried to end it all, and this saddens me, there is no need to do this, there is no shame in what happened to us, men and woman, It was not our fault, we did not choose to be raped as kids, we did not invite these sick people into our lives, they invaded our privacy, they forced their lecherous selves onto innocent children, and destroyed the happiness that should have been ours to enjoy.
Lets not make this a sexist battle, that is the last thing that we need here, lets rather work together.
28th February 2013
Primedia has with its Lead Sa started its campaign to schools and is getting children to recite its charter. We really love this campaign and would like all our followers to endorse this program. We need all the awareness around the scourge of Rape in South Africa. We would of course like a little more attention on the scourge of male rape and abuse, but that is just because this is what we do. There needs to be a way for us to get the message out there, to raise awareness of the scourge of male rape and abuse so that Men can become aware of the effects that this has on their lives. If we can get a thousand men to heal from this we will improve the lives of 7000 people, as it is a fact that one man in pain affects 7 people close to him.. Lets talk out and break the silence. Lets stop talking and start doing. Join the campaign and stand against Rape in South Africa
Follow this Link and sign the charter.
24 February 2013
Today I realized something....
I asked people to help raise awareness around the subject of Male Survivors of Childhood sexual abuse and Rape. I realized that when organizations talk about the sexual abuse of Children, they mean Boys and Girls. This is a noble gesture, but the problem is that when people hear Children and sexual abuse, they hear Girls. This is sad but it is true. Society Does not think Boys are sexually abused, they think Girls are. If you talk about Physical abuse they think Boys and not Girls because in Societies mind the Physical abuse of Girls is reprehensible, but the sexual abuse of boys, well that does not happen.
So why is everyone so afraid to talk about the sexual abuse of boys? I stand in front of men and woman and tell them that I to am a survivor, like all the woman I spoke to at the Billion rising rally. It was difficult for these woman to accept the fact that I am a survivor. No one actually accepts the fact that boys are sexually abused and that men are raped. If they do think this, well then they automatically accept that he must be gay, or he was experimenting. I was 5, I promise I was not gay or experimenting. I was a victim of rape.
When we started MatrixMen, I did not want to be the face of Survivors, but as time has passed, it became apparent that there needed to be a Face, someone that could be a face of male survivors, a poster boy (albeit an ugly old one).
LeadSA is doing the School pledge on Friday, and I asked for men to be mentioned in the Pledge, but I realized this is not the correct forum for this.
It is a great campaign that LeadSa is doing, so lets not cloud the Campaign with other agendas, we need to work together and not against each other.
So what is the answer, how do we de-stigmatize the fact that men are also victims and why is it so important that we do.
To the how do we question, .....the only way that we can do this is to get men to stand up and be counted, victims that will stand up in front of parliament and say things need to change. When society sees that normal men are standing up and saying that they are victims, then there is a face attached to the problem and it becomes harder for them to write us off. The Treatment Action Campaign did this and it worked well. Woman and men stood up and were counted and society could no longer ignore them.
Why is it so important........ Men that have been abused cannot find help, and according to society, they don't exist. What do these men do to cope with their shame, they turn to Drugs, Alcohol, porn, sex, violence, food and any other negative methods to cope.
We have Millions of men that were abused and they feel alone and isolated, this is in South Africa alone, and don't think that this is only in the poorer communities or that this is a race thing, IT IS NOT, it is across the board, it is happening in the private schools, in the poor schools in the Townships and in Bryanston.
Why do men need help,...... well those millions of men will at least have a chance to be normal and lead a normal life, to LeadSA.
Help us raise awareness around the Sexual assault of men, we can change the world.
21 February 2013
Our illustrious media liaison Oliver interviewed someone from the medical research council yesterday in a series that his employer is doing on rape in South Africa, and she said something that was important, well at least we feel it's important.
South Africa now needs a movement that will do for Male Survivors what the Treatment Action Campaign did for Aids in the late 90's. I tend to agree with this sentiment. There are many millions of men that have been affected by this scourge and there are not to many of them that will stand up and talk about it. We need to make it OK to be a survivor, it should no longer be stigmatized, it should no longer be a brand of shame burnt onto our foreheads, We should be able to stand up and announce with pride that we have survived the vilest treatment know to man, and have come out on the other side. We are in the true sense of the word SURVIVORS.
Why does the fact that we have been abused have to mean that there is automatically something wrong with us. We know that this is not true, well there's nothing wrong with us that cannot be cured anyway.
Being a survivor in my mind, is a mark of strength, strength of character and strength of mind, we have survived against all costs.
I know that not all of us have survived, and that we have all lost someone who has given up the fight to recover from this, but we will carry on the fight to be recognized in honor of their memory, in honor of our fellow survivors that gave up the fight because the world stigmatized us into shame.
Lets stand up men, lets start a movement that will show the world we are not ashamed, and therefore they don't have to be ashamed of us. It is easy for society to stigmatize a faceless group, if we show them what we look like it will make it harder. All we need is a 1000 men to walk in unity, considering there are millions of us out there, getting a 1000 together should not be to hard. Brave Survivors, rise up, join us and lets fight for our right to be healthy and well, to no longer have to cower in shame because some sick person decided that we were their play toy when we were just innocent children.
email us if you are keen to join we need all the support we can get.
19th February 2013
Today we are happy to announce that Survivor Activist and journalist extraordinaire Oliver Meth has moved to Johannesburg and will be joining MatrixMen as our media planner and spokesperson. We are excited and honored that he has joined us and He has already come up with some awesome ideas to promote MatrixMen and the Male Survivor agenda.
Oliver will also be helping us to set up our Face Book and twitter accounts.
So all that's left for me to say is Welcome to Johannesburg and Welcome to MatrixMen
Follow Oliver on Twitter and see what he does.
14 February
Today we wake to the shame of yet another violent rape and attempted murder, A 14 year old girl. She survived and I pray that she receives the proper counseling. This makes I believe 4 Incredibly Violent brutal rapes on children in a week. (SHOCKING)
This reinforces the point that we need to stop marching and we need to start doing something concrete about the exceptionally high rate of rape in South Africa.
The craziness that is going on in our country strengthens my desire to to go into MatrixMen full time, but of coarse there is the question of costs, I do unfortunately need to earn money, so I need to raise funds.
What is absolutely clear is that we need action, and above all we need a collective effort, and all the various organizations in this field working and doing their own thing is not going to achieve as much as all of us working together. I am going to place MatrixMen under the umbrella of TEARS Which stands for Transformation Education About Rape and Sexual abuse. These ladies are doing awesome things in this field, and we need to support them.
If anyone knows of any funding options that we can apply for please let us know. but we cannot continue to let this run its coarse, it needs to stop.
09 February.
Hi All, there be a day of activism on the 14th of February One at the woman's prison on Constitution hill and a smaller one at the Botanical Gardens in Emmarentia. I will post time.
Actually I am a little tired of of all the protests and marches and all that stuff. What we looking for is action, what we need is people that want to get involved,and if you don't want to get involved then give us a little of your money so that we can do it for you.
There is so much to do, we have millions of men in this country that are survivors, a lot of these men are hurting and have no were to turn to besides Drugs Alcohol and violence. These men need to know that there is help, that they are not alone, that it was not their fault and that there is actually nothing wrong with them.
Lets stop with the movements and unite all the organizations that work in this area and let us all collectively work towards eradicating rape and sexual abuse in South Africa.
This is not a pipe dream It was done in Columbia, last year Columbia had 3 THREE reported rape cases, it feels like a pipe dream, but if they can do it why then can't we.
South Africans Proved back in 1994 that we are a nation that desires peace and unity, let us use the tragic murder of of this young girl to do it again. Lets all South Africans pull together and show the world what we are truly made of.
Please drop me a mail if you want to join the fight, anything can help.
06 Feb 2013
The news of the rape and murder of a young lady in the western Cape this morning came as an intensely sad reminder of the depravity that exists in our Country. There must be something that we are doing wrong here to make South Africa the rape capital of the world.
MatrixMen sends condolences and deepest sympathy to the parents of this young lady, we truly mourn your loss.
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I was invited to share my story at an AA meeting last night. In bold fashion, with butterflies fighting an old fashioned dog fight in my tummy, I went before the suffering, struggling and of course the victorious.
I began my story and as I spoke, it just rolled out of me as it has many times before. What struck me was how nervous I felt to tell the story of my life to these total strangers.
But the result of the talk was totally unexpected to me. One gentleman told me of his rape, but mainly woman stood up and told me that they were impressed that a man had told of his sexual abuse and that they did not expect this. They then asked me if they could attend our meetings and I on the spur of the moment replied yes. This does put me in a dilemma, because we are MatrixMen Not MatrixPeople.
I have researched this, and I have found that there are NO Groups in Johannesburg for woman that are survivors. This Poses a huge question, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH US.
The stats in South Africa thus far are 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 5 men will be sexually abused That is huge and what strikes me as odd is the fact that there are no support groups?
So I am open to suggestions, we are MatrixMen a group of activists that fight for
A) Awareness around the fact that boys are raped.
B) Creating awareness amoungst male victims of the effects and that they do not have to live dysfunctional lives.
C) Fighting to make child abuse a gender-less crime.
D) De-stigmatizing the sexual abuse of men.
E) And lastly of course supporting men and helping them to recover through group and individual counseling
I am noticing that there is an ever increasing need to provide services for all survivors, even if we need to hold 2 separate meetings. Truth is that the men are not breaking the door down to seek healing, and that since starting the meeting in November we have had 3 men come and see us. I know it will take time to get the meetings going, but what stops us from helping others?
I will discuss this with our board members and also with the therapists at Crescent Clinic to see what direction we need to go in.
Thanks all for reading this blog and supporting us, and feel free to post your comments, even if it is anonymously.
4 February 2013
Life is never slow in South Africa, and the law is always a marvel here. Now I beseech you, if statutory rape is statutory rape, well then surly the sentence should be the same. We do not run a federal system here, so each state does not make up its own sentencing. So whether you rape a child in Limpopo or Cape Town, well you should receive the same sentence, Right??? Well apparently not so.
In South Africa apparently there are extenuating circumstances in the sentencing of Statutory rapists, and when I say sentencing I mean that's when the Prosecutors decide to do their jobs and actually prosecute the perpetrators, instead of making excuses for their lack of action in protecting the rights of the children as enshrined in our wonderful Constitution.
Two cases.
A young Girl is sold to a Sangoma, (Traditional Healer) She is 13 and he is 44 years older, In South Africa men chose a wife and pay a dowry for them, I did however not realize that the wife could be a child and not a woman. Well to cut a long story short the man was not prosecuted because the adults decided that she could be sold. Well Ill be..........what happened to the law????? Is the law no longer of consequence because tradition supersedes it? If this is the case then they should tell us so that we can begin the process of approaching the traditional leaders and ask them for a guide line on what is acceptable and what is not.
The second case is, a young girl 14 I believe, was having sex with an older man, age unknown, and when it came to sentencing, (Yes he was sentenced) he was given Five years because, well, she had accepted gifts from him. (Talk about the man in the trench coat bearing gifts).
This drives me absolutely insane. We are here in the trenches, fighting a war to raise awareness about the sexual exploitation of children and the law is literally making our efforts a joke. I don't know what we have to do to actually get the law to take this seriously.
I was reading an article written by a survivor activist and he was raped at the age of 16, when he went to report the rape to the Police, the police person just laughed at him and told him to go home.
There is a lot to do in South Africa the country that we so love, and yes we do get despondent sometimes, but we will never give up hope, and we will never stop the fight for the rights of the children and to make childhood sexual abuse a gender-less crime.
28 Jan 2013
It never ceases to amaze me, the levels of incompetence that flourish in South Africa, mainly by our incompetent politicians. So this one is a new one to me, excuse me if I break out in wild rapturous laughter, or stream tears of shame, I don't know which is appropriate. Here goes.
We have a sexual offenders list in South Africa, where it would make sense to list all those Sexual offenders that have been CONVICTED of the crime of pedophilia, right?? Well apparently not, this according to the......uhmmmm how should I put this...Idiot?.......Retard? ....... Oh Gosh I cant say any of these as it is apparently against some law to insult our esteemed elected officials (well rather the inappropriately placed family members and friends)
Well I will be vocal when the current leadership shows a blatant disregard for the safety of our children and would rather make excuses than publish a list of CONVICTED child molesters and rapists. We will continue to protest when our president spends 200 million yes 200 MILLION rand on his OWN home, when we have 25000 child headed households just on the doorstep of his lavish homestead, in Kwazulu Natal, the AIDS capital of the world.
How much longer will the greed and incompetence of the large Proportion of our leadership take, to actually get it into their heads to help the people rather than themselves. How many more children have to be subjected to sexual abuse before the Government will actually put the 200 million into something that will actually save children.
I sit and wonder what MatrixMen could achieve with just 10% of what was spent on his PRIVATE home. And as for the idiot that stated that a convicted Child abuser needed to be asked if he minded being placed on the sexual offenders list, well I seriously don't want to write on this blog exactly what I think of your total .........@^%@*&. I have off course paraphrased what was said, but it was about that in a nutshell.
When I heard the report on the radio, well lets just say that I could not hear most of it because of the manic screaming that happened immediately after that stupid statement.
Please Government, you have made it hard enough for NGO's to get financing with your silly lotto scheme, please don't make our work harder by having idiots say things that they don't actually know anything about. Ignorance is not an excuse.
If you are not going to help us help the children, which is actually enshrined in our constitution, well then at least keep your mouths tightly shut.
24 Jan 2013
After the radio interview we had a great response, and one of those responses was from a journalist from the Sowetan newspaper. He called and asked if I could do an interview and If I could arrange other survivors to talk about their lives and what happened to them. This would all be anonymous of course. So the first article went in yesterday and next week they want to do a story about MatrixMen. So as I am learning we will wait and see what happens. Survivors are a strange breed, they come to you when and if they want to.
I hope that we slowly make inroads into the world of male survivors in South Africa and chip away at the myths that surround us.
If you would like to read the article please follow the Sowetan and read. Comments as always will be appreciated.
18 Jan 2013
WOW WOW and WOW, what a crazy day or two. We went on radio in response to the changing of the sexual offences law and were allowed the opportunity to talk about MatrixMen and what we do, and the response was MIND BLOWING. 2 minutes on the radio and we got many calls several emails and lots and lots of hits on the Blog, all from South Africa AMAZING.
This just goes to show how desperately we need to get the message out there and talk about the fact that young boys are sexually assaulted and that men can be raped.
The numbers of 1 in 6 are panning out to be fact so think about it, 1 in 6 men will WILL be sexually abused by the age of 16. So out of every six friends that you have 1 of them is suffering. We have got calls from every religion, race, color, creed, yes I know they are the same, but I am trying to stress this.
The saddest call had to be from someone seeking help for a loved one that tried to commit suicide, I weep at the fact that his attempt was not necessary, the fact that this already hurt person now has to live with the unnecessary consequences of his action.
I would like to thank Radio 702 and David O Sullivan not only for allowing us to comment on the law change, but also for taking the time to find out what it is that we do and for just being interested.
We are really desperate to raise awareness about this subject because as most survivors know it is a lonely world out there, and a lifetime filled with hatred and pain that would not have been necessary if we had know that this is actually common.
So To Radio 702 Great thanks.
David, We have a slogan at MatrixMen "Help a man heal, and we'll change the world" You, through this action have certainly made great changes to the world. Thanks
17 Jan 2013
Today the news of the judgment that "legalizes" sex between minors hit the front page of a local newspaper. It was disappointing the way the press used this landmark judgement to grab a sensational headline. To have a headline stating SEX BETWEEN 12 AND 16 OK is blatant sensationalism. We are truly disappointed by this.
When we look at the judgment in its entirety it states that sex between consenting minors will be legal. This will not mean that every pedophile and pervert in the world can move to South Africa so that he can legally have their way with minors. SEX BETWEEN AN ADULT AND A MINOR IS STILL ILLEGAL. Even if the adult says that the minor consented.
So lets step back and take a deep breath and see what the judgment means.
It means that if two minors are caught having sex, and the sex is consensual then the minors cannot be prosecuted. This will stop the minors from A) being arrested, B) being subjected to the whole legal process and having to face a prosecutor that will attack the child to get at the "Truth".
We at matrix men, being survivors know that children up until the age of about 15, should actually not be sexualized at all. They should not want to have sex at all. Its far to young for these kids to be thinking about this. So question is what are the reason behind them wanting sex, there is almost certainly some form of neglect or abuse taking place in that child's life.
So our next big question is, 1) Does the child have to go for mandatory counseling, 2) Will the police be brought in to investigate the circumstances of that child or both the children. Well I am going to play devils advocate here and say that the police will investigate, and that any abuse will be routed out and the child will be taken to a place of safety and all will be well.
So I would like to state on behalf of MatrixMen, that we welcome the judgment, it is a bold move on behalf of the Judiciary. We would also like to thank the Amazing Teddy Bears Clinic for initiating and leading this judgment, it is truly visionary.
Lets as a country stand together against sexual abuse and find ways to protect our children, and lets hope that the press will stop using valuable and important judgments to grab cheap headlines. I would rather that the press uses its power to expose the exploitation of millions of innocent children in South Africa.
02 January 2013
We have made it into a new year, and things are still going the way they did last year, but you know I don't mind, because I am finding people around the country that are prepared to stand up and make a difference. A friend of ours, Rees, has started his Website called SAMSOSA, and on this site he has an amazing amount of information and many resources. Rees is responsible for the Design of the MatrixMen Logo, for which we are deeply grateful. Good luck with SAMSOSA, I hope that we reach a million men with our efforts.
The other day a client phoned me and we got to talking about her NGO and it is also about rape survivors etc, I asked if she was going do do something for male survivors and she said yes, so another person joining the battle.
This morning I had to listen to someone on the radio whining on about animals being ridden in a rodeo and being hurt. There was a huge outcry, I don't hear this response when there is an article in the paper about a little child that has been raped. WE DO NOT CONDONE ANIMAL ABUSE, but we really feel that they get a lot more publicity than kids that are hurt.
Funny thing is that the Bull might become someone's steak, but the kid will possibly become someone's murderer, hijacker or rapist.
We need to begin examining what we think, and put children first on the agenda, and animal rights second, or our future will look very very bleak.
With one in 5 boys being and one in 4 girls being sexually abused there is a truck load of future drug addicts, alcoholics and generally messed up adults walking around this country.
Think about it in a class of 40 children, 20 girls and 20 boys 9 (NINE) About 20% of them have been sexually abused, not might be or possibly, HAVE BEEN. Don't live in your wealthy suburbs and think this only happens in the poorer areas. IT HAPPENS IN THE MOST EXPENSIVE SCHOOLS TOO. Sexual abuse knows no race colour creed religion or class. It is the silent killer of millions and wrecks havoc on the future fathers, mothers and generations.
Please take a stand and report suspected abuse, don't let this heinous crime continue unabated
21 December 2012
I was chatting to a client last night (that's right besides MM I do have a life) and she was telling me that she is an NGO, or has an NGO that is called TEARS, they are setting up a support site for rape victims that will give the victim all the information needed to deal with a rape. This is a great initiative and I hope that MM will be listed as one of the support groups for male victims.
So in the discussion we were talking about stats on rape in South Africa.
NOW GET THIS.
"Though sexual abuse against women and girls is more common, according to a survey carried out in 1 200 schools across the country, and published in BioMed Central's International Journal for Equity in Health, two out of five male South African learners say they have been raped. According to statistics, the greatest increase in sexual crimes is against infants and children under the age of 7."
This exceeds my worst estimates, it absolutely blows my mind and we can no longer sit on our hands and make as if this does not happen to men in the world.
How many damaged and broken men is our society producing?
We at MatrixMen know full well what our society is going to look like in 15 to 20 years, lots of men that are battling to cope with the pain and anguish of their pasts.
I hope that we get more and more men joining us in this fight, but also my deeper hope is that we get more men that want to heal from their pasts.
I know that not everyone wants to be an activist, you don't have to be, but please contact us to see how you can heal from your past hurts.
Heal well all
17 Dec 2012
Its coming up to the dreaded Christmas time, that time that the world puts immense pressure on people to spend money we don't have, and to buy people things that we cannot afford. the kids are nagging for that one cool toy that they saw on the TV and the teenagers want that new flat screen LED TV that's "like 60 inch's dad."
During this period it may extremely tough for some of the survivors, and we would like to ensure that the added pressure does not send you aver the top. We have in the past had some people that have wanted to end it all and some have actually succeeded.
Remember that you have to have those positive coping measure in place and at the ready.It might sound crazy but WRITE THEM DOWN, and if you dont know what we mean by positive coping measures here are some ideas.
A Positive coping measure is something that you use to calm and centre yourself when things get to much, or when you are triggered.
1) Breath, breath in and whilst you are breathing in count to 4 (slowly) then breath out and again count to four (slowly) Continue this until the stress passes or until you feel better.
2) Go for a run a cycle or go to the Gym. Exercise will get the heart going and the brain will start to secrete endorphins that will make you feel better
3) Do Yoga.
4) Paint or play music do something artistic, even if you cannot paint or dont think that you are artistic, try.
5) Write, write your story, or write and focus on the person that you would like to become.
6) Remember the phone list of your local MatrixMen support network and CALL HIM. This is probably the most important one so here is a number to use if you are stuck.
074-125-8782
There are many thing that you can do to take your mind of your situation, so make a list of the things and use them when the need arises. DO NOT use shopping as one of them. Remember that shopping can be a negative coping measure it is almost like an addiction to some and this will numb rather than assist the healing process.
Other than that Love yourselves and keep focus on the end goal, a happy contented you.
11/12/12
Sorry all it has been a while, but it has been really bus. Didn't think it would be easy to run this beast and my business at the same time.
So before our eyes passes another week, and again the new week brings with it new challenges and things that need to be resolved. Odd thing is, that now I seem to have the tools to cope. How different life is now that healing from my past has progressed. I find it easier to handle difficult situations, hell I actually face difficult situations. Before my healing I would have turned to the bottle and dealt with the problems by hiding away from them, so I choose this life over any other, I would rather be sober with problems than drunk hiding from them.
Today I received a call from a potential member, and this is amazing in that I had an article written in the local paper, and from a readership of several hundred thousand we got........wait for it............ONE call.
I have said before, I didn't expect the crowds to come flooding through the door, but I certainly didn't expect this low a response.
Interesting thing that I am picking up, it is the men that have dealt with this problem, the ones that have gone to therapy and sorted their lives, that seem to be the ones that want to come to a group. I don't know if this is true, but it does seem to be the trend.
I am just happy that we are helping other men no matter how many or how.
To all of you who read this blog, many many thanks, it has been a year of revelation, enlightenment and healing for me, and I hope for you too.
IF THERE IS ANYONE WITH ANY IDEA ON HOW TO MARKET MM to the wider public (for free please) or any ideas on how to get out to the wider public that need our services, I would love to hear from you.
Martin
29/11/12
Well another big step in the MatrixMen department. I was contacted yesterday re an interview with the newspaper, so I am getting my head together to represent MatrixMen in the press. Hope I do it well.
If anyone has any suggestions re what needs to be said, please send me a message on the blog other than that I will get a copy of the article and post it on the blog under a new page called press releases.
Chat soon all
28/11/12
Well it is nearly the end of the year, and it is time for the 16 days of activism against woman and child abuse.
It is a noble cause and some stats that came out of this was that 1 in 3 girls is sexually abused and 1 in 5 boys is sexually abused. I don't know where the figures come from but at least there is some research into it in South Africa, and that makes me happy. Now if we consider that the international norm is one in five girls and one in six Boys, well then you see we are a little above the norm, not that we didn't know this, but confirmation at least makes us feel a little less insane less inclined to believe that we are imagining this. Ive often wonder what effect this 16 days of activism had o the general trend of abuse, does it make a difference, well I dont know, but at least it does create an awareness out there of the prevelance of the abuse.
Keep going
23/11/12
Well we in South Africa are never short of a bad news story to comment on. This week again, we have had another news story of a "Pastor" who is 62 years old, that has been arrested for raping three girls between the ages of 12 and 15. Well the term "pastor" I am sure is used rather loosely.
What worries me a lot is that we hear of girls that are raped but never hear of men\ boys that are raped. We would prefer to hear that NO children are raped, but that unfortunately is a fantasy that will never materialize in our life time.
So, because we never hear of little boys or men that are raped, the world assumes that it never happens. Sadly we as members of MatrixMen know that this is not true.
This has now become one of the Goals that we have set down for MatrixMen, and that is to create awareness around the sexual assault of men. Odd thing, even when I write the words Sexual assault of men, I have to stop and think about what I am typing. The words "Sexual Assault of men" don't seem to fit in the same sentence, but again we know it does.
This week we have decided to go on a news crusade, we are going to start getting the message about the Sexual Assault of men and the fact that there is help available, out to the residents of Johannesburg first.
We hopefully have a reporter from one of the local newspapers coming to see us next week so this will be interesting. I must say that when I spoke to the newspaper, they were a bit shocked at what I said. This is a reaction that never ceases to amuse me. I get comments like wow that's heavy, or that's a great thing you are doing, or ......S...I....L....E....N.....C.....E, usually accompanied by large eyes and open mouth.
Well we are determined to break the silence around this topic, and the horrible shame attached to it, and finally make it OK for men to be able to speak openly and freely about the pain that has plagued them for most of their lives.
Stay Well all
Martin
19/11/12
Hi all. There are a lot of things that have happened in the world in the last week.
We have here in South Africa a murderous pedophile who is in jail convicted of murdering and raping a number of children, announce that he is writing a book, and the next thing you hear on the radio and in the newspapers is that this sick man is writing a book and would you buy it, I mean what better way to publicize your upcoming book than to get the press to start a debate on whether or not to read this scums book.
MatrixMen has been trying to get airtime on the local radio station to promote the healing of men that have been abused, and they don't seem to want to give us the time of day. See Bad news does sell.
So, Besides all this, I heard in the press last week that a 15 year old boy that RAPED a 10 year old boy in the toilets of the school has been punished. I thought great, unfair but it sends a strong message. SO what is the punishment..... well he is not allowed to go to this school anymore, BUT he is allowed to go to another school. I am astounded, like there are no boys at the new school. Do the Authorities not have a clue as to how these things happen. This boy needs the CPS (Child protection Services) to look into his family life.......... OH sorry we have no more CPS in South Africa. Gee thanks Mr President for disbanding the CPS, I never knew that they could do investigations into your conduct.
I cry at the lack of support that the children of this country have. There is support for the girls, granted, they can also at some ridiculous age have an abortion, BUT DON'T LET LITTLE ABUSED BOYS ASK FOR HELP. I cannot comprehend the level of incompetence and ignorance that the authorities display in this area.
It is time that the men of the world stand up and fight for their rights, Actually I will just settle for a little understanding and acknowledgement into the fact that little boys can be raped.
Todays Rant, appologies.
Chat soon
14/11/12
Well another great meeting, We opted to leave the door open for a while and allow people to look in and walk by.
Well there were one or two guys that walked past a few times and eventually one walked in and asked the big question, are you the group for abused men.
It just struck me as to how difficult it must be for the men to actually pluck up the courage to do that. I mean there is such a stigma attached to men that have been sexually abused, that men actually feel embarrassed coming into a group that can ultimately make a big difference in their lives. I shudder at the life that was stolen from these men and the insecurities that have developed as a =result.
I hope that the men that have had issues in their pasts,do pluck up the courage to come and join us, and I feel confident that the group will really help them recover fro the abuse that they suffered.
10/11/12 (I love it, cant get this the American way)
I was just reading a post buy someone on another site, and he was talking about the lack of support for CSA survivors, this is true in South Africa, but one would not expect this in the good ole US of A.
Truth is that there is a general lack of support world wide and this is what makes it so hard for men to recover from CSA. It is still the deep dark secret.
My Goal for MatrixMen is to avert this very problem, to help men that are suffering because of the effects of CSA, the Booze, the drugs, the sex addiction, the overeating, the suicide attempts, I know that it is a great claim, but believe me that joining MM will greatly benefit you in the healing of these problems.
Acknowledging that you were abused is the first step to healing, going to AA and NA and SAA will benefit you a little but it will not get to the core of the problem and that is CSA.
We are here to help those suffering, so please give us a call, even a chat on the phone will help you a ton, and remember that it is 100% anonymous if you want it that way.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Help is here for you.
7th November 2012
Well we have had the first survivor Meeting in South Africa, and I am pleasantly surprised.
I was sitting in the rooms and thought well no one is coming, a short while later I heard a voice saying Hello. And then another and it went on. I am Pleasantly surprised and we had a great meeting. There is nothing better for a survivor, than to be able to talk to other survivors and realize that we are not alone and that the problems that we encounter are not unique. We are normal, the problems that we encounter are common to all survivors.
I am also very proud of one of the survivors that attended, who is going to New York next week to attend the Male Survivor Conference. I truly hope that You have a great trip and that the insights you gain will help you in your healing journey.
Please understand, That the meetings are confidential, your name will never be mentioned outside of the meetings, and the general consensus among the survivors was that the group was a great relief and help.
We look forward to having more people attend the meetings in future.
5th November 2012
So It is the Monday before the Tuesday night, the first meeting of the MatrixMen support group for male survivors in South Africa. It is nerve racking but we will meet and we will see if the members will arrive. There are Doubts and there are questions, but we will just go with it and see what happens.
ADen, thank for the long distance support, the male survivor network worldwide is awesome. Here is a great guy from Australia supporting someone that he doesn't know in South Africa. Great.
To all the readers of this Blog, thanks for the support and the encouragement the emails and twitters have been amazing. It will all be changing, the blog will now focus more on MatrixMen and less on me,after all it is not about me but the men that we are intending to help. I just know that we are going to make a difference in peoples lives.
I will begin a MatrixMen news page on this blog where we will be posting information, stories and updates in future, so please keep coming back.
Chat soon all
Martin
Well things are hotting up and I am really nervous, the 6th of November is drawing nearer and I am excited but also stressed. The years of working and planning and trying to establish what we are going to do, well this is all on the doorstep, and I Keep running through what I am going to ask, say, do. How am I going to get the guys to open up and say something, IS ANY ONE GOING TO ARRIVE? AARRRGGGHH I don't know, but hey, I felt the need to start this group and I know that it would have helped me, so I know that it WILL help any one that decides that they want to recover from Sexual abuse.
What I have to do is what they say in the AA, Let go and let God. If this is meant to be then it will happen, after all this is not about me, but the men that cannot get help for their problems.
Chat soon
Martin
Well I haven't had a lot to say for a while because I have been really busy setting up the meeting formats and getting all the information that I need and want to get the MM meetings going.
I know that there has been a delay in getting the meetings started, and for that I am truly sorry, but I am well on my way to getting things done.
We are reverting to Plan A and have re-approached a local counselling service to take us under their wing and allow us to use their facilities. If they are not keen, then I will go with the having meetings at recreation centres around the country.
There are a ton of ideas running around my ADHD brain and I am revitalised and rejuvinated and ready to get things going.
Again Guys, just a little patience and we will get it all of the ground.
In the mean time for those that are not coping, please dont hesitate to call me and we can set up a private meeting to discuss any problems.
Be safe and try Be happy
1 comment:
To all of those who helped organize the screenings of Brave Miss World across South Africa, who went to see the film, and who have been responding, thank you for being #IamBrave and joining the dialogue. We stand united with you.
Please visit our website www.BraveMissWorld.com to help us take this movement forward and make a change.
Yours,
Cecilia Peck
Director / Producer: Brave Miss World
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