Often survivors blame themselves. We always feel that in some way we invited this attention, that in some way we initiated the advances of the perpetrator.
Truth is that there was no way that you could avoid this. You were a victim of the circumstances. All the world conspired to bring you to a point in time where you were vulnerable, and you were in the path of a perpetrator.
So, it boils down to one big cosmic coincidence.
So, why do I go about explaining the course of events this way, well then hopefully you will get an idea of the magnitude of the happenings and you will begin to realize that you were powerless to stop this.
IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT.
There are 4 Phases to your healing, once you realize that the CSA has affected your life.
1) Shame, We feel ashamed at ourselves, it is this shame that has kept us in bondage for so many years. It is this shame that has made us Porn addicts, alcoholics, Addicts, Sex Addicts, Cheaters and men with no self esteem.
2) When we begin to heal, we start to blame ourselves. I Should have, --If only I, --I could have,-- If only I had. These are all questions that go through our heads. Well, eventually we get to the point that we realize that the past is the past and no matter what we do we cannot change the past. There is no time machine that can take us back and let us sort out what has happened.
3) Anger. We get angry, at ourslves, at the world, at our parents and brothers and sister. Why did they not see what was happening, why did they not save me. Didn't they love me. these are all thoughts that go through our heads, thoughts that are all a healthy part of the healing Process.
4) Well this forth phase is the best one. This is when we have dealt with all the anger and the hatred. This is the Thriver phase, where we pick up the shattered pieces of our past and put it all together and start to live a happy healthy functional life.
Don't let the pains of your past destroy the happiness of your future.
1 comment:
HI There
Well today I had someone call me and tell me that they were having a rough time withthe thought that they could have done something about the abuse.
It is a tough reality that there is nothing that we could have done about preventing the abuse. We were not picked because we were special, or pretier or because we looked "gay".
Truth be told we were probably picked because the Perp saw in us a vulnerabitlity, (Excuse the spelling but after a computer rash my spell check is not working) We were vulnerable because we had a unfulfilled need that we did not get at home. Perhaps a perceived lack of attention, perhaps we were mentally abused at home, Perhaps we did not get the love and attention we so crave as little growing persons.
So in answer to your question, there is absolutely nothing that you could do, the perp saw in you a need and he exploited it, his methods are so refined that you were powerless over his advances. Remeber one important thing. YOU WERE A INNOCENT CHILD.
Heal well all
Martin
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