CSA has huge effects on the Survivor, and if the survivor is involved in a relationship, then of course the partners will also suffer hugely.
So What happens?
Well, the partners will feel as though they are alone in the relationship, they will probably be mentally, financially and Psychologically abused. The survivor will either have very little sexual contact with his partner, or he will be completely oversexed.
He may suffer from constant rage and anger, probably drinks and abuses other substances.
Porn could be one of his favourite past times, and masturbation is preferred over actual intercourse.
Are you currently experienceing any of the above?
Then you would be in what we call a Co- Dependant relationship. There is a lot more to it than that, but you will need a lot of help to get over this and also to help your partner to heal.
Boundaries need to be set, battle lines drawn and a strict set of rules implemented.
The great thing about a survivor, is that you will Probably end up with a much better man than the one you married in the first place.
Call us for support and guidance and we will assist you with literature and a support group to help you get through this trying time.
Also Check out the helpful resources page, there is a website listed there for you to look at.
I also Found this booklet on-line and this link will take you there Partners of survivors
Remember that you are not alone and that you can help your partner through this, But you MUST help yourself first.
I have Received this testimonial from one of the Wives of a survivor, Her nickname is Hero, Because I know she is for all the work she has done for her husband.
Martin- I am so grateful for your attention to the partners of survivors of CSA. You have been such a well of compassion and support for me as I've struggled to support my husband. Not all survivors go on to abuse alcohol, have affairs, hire prostitutes, etc., but my husband did. In the wake of such devistating discoveries, it requires super human strength to put your own pain on a shelf while you tend to the more immediate crisis of your husband's sanity. While bleeding from being impaled by the flying shards of my life, I knew...deep in my gut, I KNEW that the man who'd so cruely betrayed me was NOT my husband. With lots of education, counseling, prayer and support from wonderful survivors like you, I've got my real husband back. Through counseling and the support of fellow survivors, he is dealing with the emotional, mental, spiritual and sexual distortions caused by the abuse he suffered as a child. The single most significant thing that helped him understand that the CSA had so badly damaged him was finding other male survivors. With that discovery, he stepped out of victimhood, into surviving it, and and is steaming toward thriving! Likewise, with the support of other supporters who know well the road I travel, I have been able to put the infidelities into a perspective that has allowed me to not only support him, but to begin the long process of healing. Because of this support my husband is whole and our marriage is going to survive. That I can sincerely speak that statement is nothing short of a miracle. Thank you for your devotion to helping others as you have helped my beloved and me, and sooooo many others, too! Blessings!