May 2017
I feel deeply for the children involved in this case, I really do. I have personal experience as to some of the problems that these boys are going to face. but in a sense I am happy that this case has come to light. One of the things that this young perpetrator mentioned was that it was the Parktown way. Is he hinting at institutional abuse, is there a larger problem here just waiting to be exposed?
The war continues.
Its been a
year since Ive Updated the blog, and its because we have had a massive
scandal break on the issue that happened at the Parktown Boys High
School.
This is the case that has been waiting to happen for years and years now, and finally, purely by chance, a teacher found another teacher molesting a school boy.
My questions are this
Why was it the accidental discovery of the video footage that caused this scandal to erupt onto the scene?
Why were there no checks and balances in place to safe guard our children from sexual abuse?
This is the case that has been waiting to happen for years and years now, and finally, purely by chance, a teacher found another teacher molesting a school boy.
My questions are this
Why was it the accidental discovery of the video footage that caused this scandal to erupt onto the scene?
Why were there no checks and balances in place to safe guard our children from sexual abuse?
I feel deeply for the children involved in this case, I really do. I have personal experience as to some of the problems that these boys are going to face. but in a sense I am happy that this case has come to light. One of the things that this young perpetrator mentioned was that it was the Parktown way. Is he hinting at institutional abuse, is there a larger problem here just waiting to be exposed?
I
a not naive enough to believe that there isn't a larger problem here.
it is a fact that there are severe abuses that happen at schools
especially boarding schools, the only problem is that thus far we have
not had evidence of this happening.
IS THIS THE CASE THAT IS GOING TO OPEN THE FLOOD GATES IN SOUTH AFRICA?
IS THIS THE CASE THAT IS GOING TO OPEN THE FLOOD GATES IN SOUTH AFRICA?
I
don't think it is, but what will happen is that many men will hear the
stories, and God willing the press will report extensively, and those
men will hopefully seek advice and healing and eventually we will get to
the place where reporting such crimes will become second nature.
MatrixMen
isn't here to obsess about cases and justice, we are, at the end of the
day, concerned about the well being of the men that have endured sexual
abuse, about their well being and about their happiness and future.
It is my hope that the boys in this case as well as any other students
find the courage to speak out and seek healing, it is not about justice
or revenge.
We need happy healthy individuals that may or may not at a later date decide to prosecute, it is at the end of the day their choice.
If you have been a victim of sexual abuse, please reach out on our face book page Male Survivors South Africa, it is a closed support group for men in South Africa only. You are welcome to set up an anonymous profile and join for support if you so need. The important thing here is to please reach out.
Be safe all News May 2016. We need happy healthy individuals that may or may not at a later date decide to prosecute, it is at the end of the day their choice.
If you have been a victim of sexual abuse, please reach out on our face book page Male Survivors South Africa, it is a closed support group for men in South Africa only. You are welcome to set up an anonymous profile and join for support if you so need. The important thing here is to please reach out.
The war continues.
Apologies. I have not been very active on this Blog of late. Seems that most of the time we are busy with Facebook and twitter, doesn't mean we don't love the Blog.
I have been really busy setting things up for a new campaign where we are going to be raising awareness and giving the true figures of the actual sexual abuse problem in South Africa. It has been a time of great introspection and soul searching.
The problem with Male Survivors of sexual abuse in South Africa is that we are not given the whole story. Most often the studies are done based on female victims and children. Sadly the children isn't broken into boys and girls thus not highlighting the true depth of the problems that men face as male survivors of sexual abuse, South Africa.
I was fortunate to have found a study that was conducted in South Africa in 2002, was a while ago, but the only one that we have specifically pertaining to Male Survivors of sexual abuse in South Africa, so it is the one that we will go with. The facts are astounding.
The problem with Male Survivors of sexual abuse in South Africa is that we are not given the whole story. Most often the studies are done based on female victims and children. Sadly the children isn't broken into boys and girls thus not highlighting the true depth of the problems that men face as male survivors of sexual abuse, South Africa.
I was fortunate to have found a study that was conducted in South Africa in 2002, was a while ago, but the only one that we have specifically pertaining to Male Survivors of sexual abuse in South Africa, so it is the one that we will go with. The facts are astounding.
The reality is that a woping 44% of the boys in South Africa are raped by the age of 18, that is a really scary number,but what it goes on to highlight is that these boys are 4 X more likely to perpetrate.
Can we now begin to get an idea as to why the problem is so massive in South Africa?
Can we now begin to get an idea as to why the problem is so massive in South Africa?
We need to start talking about the facts that face the boys and girls in our country, the high rates of sexual abuse and rape can only be stemmed if we begin to get the truth out there. Fact is that if we start telling the truth we can begin to get these boys into treatment and we can begin the healing process. this will in turn begin to lower the rate of sexual crimes, drug and alcohol abuse, crime, which is usually a knock on from the drug and alcohol abuse, and a high suicide rate.
There are so many advantages to telling the true story of the incredibly high rates of sexual abuse here in South Africa, that we cannot even want to bury our heads in the sand anymore.
Help us to raise awareness of these issues, talk about this when you can, teach your children about body safety, be open and forthright with your children, after all if you don't talk to them about it, they will find whatever they are looking for on the internet.
Join the struggle to break the cycle of abuse.
Disgusted is what I amThere are so many advantages to telling the true story of the incredibly high rates of sexual abuse here in South Africa, that we cannot even want to bury our heads in the sand anymore.
Help us to raise awareness of these issues, talk about this when you can, teach your children about body safety, be open and forthright with your children, after all if you don't talk to them about it, they will find whatever they are looking for on the internet.
Join the struggle to break the cycle of abuse.
I
could not believe what I saw when I watched this video, it made my
stomach lurch and a memory from a distant past came rushing back to me.
This
young man was arrested on suspicion, of whatever, we don't know what
happened prior to this video being shot, but REGARDLESS of what happened
the police "Officer" should never have done what he did.
Things like this happen in war conditions and we know that rape is something that is often used to demoralize the opposition, so the question is, are we at war? If so, with whom? Against what?
Things like this happen in war conditions and we know that rape is something that is often used to demoralize the opposition, so the question is, are we at war? If so, with whom? Against what?
If this is how the members of our police services, then it is understandable why the public is rebelling against this.
Please be aware this could be triggering for certain viewers. Video Link
Interesting Study
One of the struggles that we are facing is a way to legitimately raise awareness about the effects of abuse and the impact of that abuse on society, after all people will not listen if they do not know how a sexually abused child will impact on their lives.
Many people are doing research into the impact of sexual abuse on adults and the correlation to crime.
What is coming through is that there is a definite connection, there are a few flaws in the studies but yes there is a definite connection.
What are the flaws.
Its hard to say that all the accounts are factual. Real offenders, real people are used in the studies, but we cannot tell if the adult actually remembers his or her abuse, or if they have repressed the memories of the abuse.
We know as fact that many children that were severely abused as children do in fact repress the memories so deeply that it sometimes only resurfaces in their mid to late forties.
So how does this impact the study, well it actually lowers the figures, makes them less. If everyone could actually remember their abuse we would get a more accurate figure.
In Australia they took several subjects that were victims of sexual abuse, where the cases actually went through the courts, and studied them over a period of 20 years, so the study is a definitive one, and in that case they found that children that were sexually abused were 28% more to commit a serious or violent crime than children that had not endured abuse.
In the American study, the same results were found, this is where the study was done on the say so of the victims, and the results were remarkably similar, so on the count of "Are victims of sexual abuse more likely to commit a crime" the answer is a definite yes.
Many people are doing research into the impact of sexual abuse on adults and the correlation to crime.
What is coming through is that there is a definite connection, there are a few flaws in the studies but yes there is a definite connection.
What are the flaws.
Its hard to say that all the accounts are factual. Real offenders, real people are used in the studies, but we cannot tell if the adult actually remembers his or her abuse, or if they have repressed the memories of the abuse.
We know as fact that many children that were severely abused as children do in fact repress the memories so deeply that it sometimes only resurfaces in their mid to late forties.
So how does this impact the study, well it actually lowers the figures, makes them less. If everyone could actually remember their abuse we would get a more accurate figure.
In Australia they took several subjects that were victims of sexual abuse, where the cases actually went through the courts, and studied them over a period of 20 years, so the study is a definitive one, and in that case they found that children that were sexually abused were 28% more to commit a serious or violent crime than children that had not endured abuse.
In the American study, the same results were found, this is where the study was done on the say so of the victims, and the results were remarkably similar, so on the count of "Are victims of sexual abuse more likely to commit a crime" the answer is a definite yes.
What is more interesting is that in the american study they researched the connection between sexual crimes and abuse survivors. Again the results are there. A victim of sexual abuse is 4.6% more likely to commit a sexual crime than someone that that has not.
We tell you this not to start a witch hunt, but to show that if left untreated, or if ignored, survivors of sexual abuse are at risk of committing crimes or sexual crimes. (The sexual crimes that they listed include things such as peeping, rape, prostitution and sex with minors.)
What we are hoping for now is a study that will show us if the intervention of therapy or a positive role model, will change the outcome of these studies, what I do know from personal experience is that my life changed completely after dealing with my abuse, so I could say that from personal experience yes, it does.
What we are hoping for now is a study that will show us if the intervention of therapy or a positive role model, will change the outcome of these studies, what I do know from personal experience is that my life changed completely after dealing with my abuse, so I could say that from personal experience yes, it does.
So if you want to know why you should get involved with the cause of sexual abuse victims, I say that you should because there is a higher likelihood that you could be robbed or attacked by a victim that has not received help than you are someone that has.
Make a positive change in your life, Support an organization near you that helps the victims of abuse, even closer to home, pen the doors of communication with your children and get them comfortable with the idea of telling you anything.
Best wishes
Martin
More Court cases
After the Hewitt trial, we were hit with another famous South African that was outed as a Pedophile. As it stands today 7 people, 4 woman and 3 men,
have filed in a case against the stockbroking billionaire. From this case we have had the press and the Television news stations going mad again and it is all a hot topic once more.
Sadly this does not give the person that was molested and raped by a family member or friend any hope, they are not high profile, they are just average people trying to get by.
I would like to invite anyone that would like to pursue a case against their Rapists, please contact us and we will gladly assist you.
We will try to get the correct legal advice and legal support to help you find justice.
More often than not there is no money to be made out of this, so if this is your motive please leave it, but if you seek justice and wasnt others to be protected, then please contact us and we will gladly try to help you.
We will try to get the correct legal advice and legal support to help you find justice.
More often than not there is no money to be made out of this, so if this is your motive please leave it, but if you seek justice and wasnt others to be protected, then please contact us and we will gladly try to help you.
Naturally this is for people that reside in South Africa,
Sad Story
Heard at a meeting this morning about a tragic happening.
A man was approached in Hillbrow over the weekend and he was asked if he wanted to earn some money. Naturally, being unemployed, he jumped at the opportunity, easy peasy, help move some furniture he was told.
They went of to a place, and what happened was no where near moving furniture.
The man had a gun pulled on him and was raped at gunpoint.
Naturally this was a devastating experience for this man and we will try to get him the support that he so desperately needs.
It is our dream here at MatrixMen to make it easier for men to come out and report their rapes, and of course to provide the help that they need as well as assisting them with the opening of cases with the SAPS. As you can imagine the opening of a case is the last thing on this mans mind
Most of society believes that these are isolated incidents, but I have heard from a source in the police that in a certain area there are to-date more men reporting being raped than woman.
Isn't that crazy?
Ladies and Gentlemen, it is no longer acceptable to just talk to your daughters about rape, but it is incumbent upon you as a parent to talk to your boys about keeping themselves safe.
This is also a topic that is getting more and more prevalent because rape is about power, women are encouraged to report, so the chances of the perpetrator getting caught are there, but men will almost never report their cases, so you will not get caught. Lets change this, lets step it up a gear and make it easier for men to report their rapes.
Please share and Like the heck out of our page, blog and this story so that we can begin to shed some light on the topic of male rape in South Africa.
Thanks for all your support, We know that this is not an easy topic and most want it to disapear, but it wont until we all take note of what is happening and start to talk about it. That is all, TALK about it. This will create a space for men and women alike to be able to share their experiences and ultimately, they will be able to report freely without fear of persecution.#LetsGetTalking about #Rape and #SexualAbuse and #MaleRape
A man was approached in Hillbrow over the weekend and he was asked if he wanted to earn some money. Naturally, being unemployed, he jumped at the opportunity, easy peasy, help move some furniture he was told.
They went of to a place, and what happened was no where near moving furniture.
The man had a gun pulled on him and was raped at gunpoint.
Naturally this was a devastating experience for this man and we will try to get him the support that he so desperately needs.
It is our dream here at MatrixMen to make it easier for men to come out and report their rapes, and of course to provide the help that they need as well as assisting them with the opening of cases with the SAPS. As you can imagine the opening of a case is the last thing on this mans mind
Most of society believes that these are isolated incidents, but I have heard from a source in the police that in a certain area there are to-date more men reporting being raped than woman.
Isn't that crazy?
Ladies and Gentlemen, it is no longer acceptable to just talk to your daughters about rape, but it is incumbent upon you as a parent to talk to your boys about keeping themselves safe.
This is also a topic that is getting more and more prevalent because rape is about power, women are encouraged to report, so the chances of the perpetrator getting caught are there, but men will almost never report their cases, so you will not get caught. Lets change this, lets step it up a gear and make it easier for men to report their rapes.
Please share and Like the heck out of our page, blog and this story so that we can begin to shed some light on the topic of male rape in South Africa.
Thanks for all your support, We know that this is not an easy topic and most want it to disapear, but it wont until we all take note of what is happening and start to talk about it. That is all, TALK about it. This will create a space for men and women alike to be able to share their experiences and ultimately, they will be able to report freely without fear of persecution.#LetsGetTalking about #Rape and #SexualAbuse and #MaleRape
Mens Plight in the world
I received this submission online last week and it hits home to many of the problems that we face. I copied this as is, so excuse the spelling.
"The problem of Men's sexual torture is not in South African alone.Before i immigrated here in 2012,i reported the same case in Uganda to police but i never got help because the police said it was sounding arkward.After 8months in SA,i did encounter the same scenario here and the reasons why i never reported to Police are:I never got help in first place when i was in my country,how can i get a fair judgement away from home? 2.My papers were expired,can the police listen to my story without proper documentation?"
This is not just a problem in South Africa, in Africa, but world wide. Why is it that people feel that men are not able to report their rapes, their sexual abuse. Why is it that only woman can be hurt.
This to me is a constant battle. Woman ask that men are more sensitive, yet they laugh when we are, society wants men to be less violent yet they do not allow us the place to heal and to be sensitive. We can never be right, but it is not dependent on the societies that confuse us, it is our responsibility to become the men that we want to be. Don't follow the masses and be a sheep to the whims of society, follow your own path and heal and become whole. YOU CAN HEAL FROM SEXUAL ABUSE, be brave and if you cant then contact us and we will help you be brave, we will support you all the way to mental health.
This to me is a constant battle. Woman ask that men are more sensitive, yet they laugh when we are, society wants men to be less violent yet they do not allow us the place to heal and to be sensitive. We can never be right, but it is not dependent on the societies that confuse us, it is our responsibility to become the men that we want to be. Don't follow the masses and be a sheep to the whims of society, follow your own path and heal and become whole. YOU CAN HEAL FROM SEXUAL ABUSE, be brave and if you cant then contact us and we will help you be brave, we will support you all the way to mental health.
The Face of a monster
This dear lady has been convicted of raping a school boy and since her conviction another group of boys have come forward declaring that they too were raped by the teacher.
So why rape?
Well she is an adult, a teacher, someone who is in a position of responsibility, some that is supposed to be trusted, and she abused that trust by raping a teenage boy.
Now as a man I look at her and say wow she is pretty and I am sure that the banter about the BBQ would be something like this
"Well, if she were my teacher I wouldn't complain" or
"That boy sure got lucky" or
"Man I wish my teacher's looked like her"
Well all of this is very big talk, as long as it isn't you that was raped.
So what are the effects of this sort of rape on teenage boys?
Well the first thing to happen is that the teenager is being pre-sexualised, in other words he is experiencing a level of sexual activity that is way above his emotional and sexual maturity. this in turn leads to a skewed perception of what love is, confusion about intimacy, confusion about what a healthy sexual relationship is.
Fact is that most of these boys should still be trying to impress girls by pulling their hair and being awkward and geeky. this is what the natural progression of sexual maturity is.
So what is the outcome of this rape?
Well a lot of the boys will probably not be able to have a normal relationship, the chances of becoming alcoholics and drug addicts are pretty good and the chances of becoming a porn addict is higher than the norm.
We as men need to change the way we look at life, it isn't all about sex, there are in fact many things that the young impressionable mind learns through the awkward stages of mental, emotional, and sexual development, and all to often this is stolen by rapists and porn.
Boys are told that it is cool to be pre-sexualised at a young age and therefore when they get to adulthood, cannot understand why their relationships are so dysfunctional. It is at the end of the day when your marriage or relationship has totally broken down, and keep breaking down that you hopefully learn that it wasn't so cool to be raped at school.
Parents please teach your boys that no one should touch them, not even their doctors unless a parent is with them, after all why are boys that different from girls? They are not, boys hurt to, only problem is that society tells us that we don't, because that's all boys think about isn't it.
Sad, but that isn't exactly true.
Help empower men to come out and heal, It'll change the world.
Awareness
This year as in every year our goal is awareness, we must raise awareness about the estimated 2,3 million adult men that are living dysfunctional lives because they were sexually abused as children, and in the process we will also raise awareness about the woman that have suffered this horrific fate. Rape and Sexual abuse in South Africa is no longer a female only problem, it is happening as often to young boys as to young girls. So Awareness is the key factor and that is what we will pursue throughout the existence of MatrixMen.
Goal Two Training of Counselors
We would like to train volunteer counselors in the churches in particular areas so that when we go to schools and go and do talks at various events, we can take the counselors with us to help deal with any child that has suffered a traumatic event. It will then be the duty of those volunteers to return to the schools in that area and continue supporting any victims that might be in that school.
Three, Talking to children (My greatest passion)
I want to be able to travel around South Africa training counselors and talking to children at schools, scouts, church youth, orphanages and even on the streets, talking about surviving abuse, self empowerment and giving hope for their future.
Some children grow up in this sort of environment and think that being raped by their siblings and parents is normal, or grow up fearful that the neighbor will kill them and their family. it is only when someone tells them that there is a better way or that what they are going through is not normal that they can begin to change their lives.
Victim support
A dream of mine is to have more boys report their sexual abuse abuse and to have more pedophiles prosecuted for the abuse perpetrated on little boys and girls. Often the prospect for the children and parents is to daunting and the default position is, "well just forget about it and we will carry on with life" I know that this approach does not work, it leads to a very dysfunctional unhappy existence.
We would like to establish a circle of Police, Doctors, forensic professionals and counselors to help families to deal with the legal medical and emotional impact of reporting and prosecuting pedophiles.
To My dismay, a very wealthy South African was exposed as a pedophile last year, and NOTHING is being done about it. Personally I would like to make an example of him and get his child molesting butt thrown in jail, and I would like the resources to be able to do this.
Support for Male Survivors.
MatrixMen was started as a group that supports male survivors and of course we want this to continue, in fact we would want to establish groups all around the country. We have an incredible step program that survivors can work through and we also want to have weekends of recovery for survivors around the country.
We feel that it is important to inform all our loyal supporters out there as to what our goals are and what it is that we do, and what is written above is in a nutshell what we plan.
Naturally we cannot do this without resources and call on anyone that would like to donate money, time, resources or services to let us know.
Some of our needs are.
> Money
> Printing of brochures, manuals and business cards
> Banners and promotional materials
> Laptops, projectors and sound equipment
> Vehicle sponsorship
> Hotel accommodation sponsorships
> Office equipment
> Website design and maintenance
> Multimedia and image consultants
> Air travel Sponsorships to international events such as the W.H.O
> And if a male clothing rage wants to get on board, great.
> Auditors
> Legal firms
So these are a few of the goals that we are setting for MatrixMen in 2015. if you can help or know of someone that can help please let us know.
Another proud moment is that we are registering as an NPO and the directors have stepped up and they are, TA DAAAA
Stephan Wagenaar
Jacques Venter.
Martin Pelders
These are men are passionate about helping Men and Children and I am happy that they are part of the team, Thanks Gents
As always you can get hold of me on
078-457-4911 I hope that you all have a blessed and prosperous new year, God Bless
Now as a man I look at her and say wow she is pretty and I am sure that the banter about the BBQ would be something like this
"Well, if she were my teacher I wouldn't complain" or
"That boy sure got lucky" or
"Man I wish my teacher's looked like her"
Well all of this is very big talk, as long as it isn't you that was raped.
So what are the effects of this sort of rape on teenage boys?
Well the first thing to happen is that the teenager is being pre-sexualised, in other words he is experiencing a level of sexual activity that is way above his emotional and sexual maturity. this in turn leads to a skewed perception of what love is, confusion about intimacy, confusion about what a healthy sexual relationship is.
Fact is that most of these boys should still be trying to impress girls by pulling their hair and being awkward and geeky. this is what the natural progression of sexual maturity is.
So what is the outcome of this rape?
Well a lot of the boys will probably not be able to have a normal relationship, the chances of becoming alcoholics and drug addicts are pretty good and the chances of becoming a porn addict is higher than the norm.
We as men need to change the way we look at life, it isn't all about sex, there are in fact many things that the young impressionable mind learns through the awkward stages of mental, emotional, and sexual development, and all to often this is stolen by rapists and porn.
Boys are told that it is cool to be pre-sexualised at a young age and therefore when they get to adulthood, cannot understand why their relationships are so dysfunctional. It is at the end of the day when your marriage or relationship has totally broken down, and keep breaking down that you hopefully learn that it wasn't so cool to be raped at school.
Parents please teach your boys that no one should touch them, not even their doctors unless a parent is with them, after all why are boys that different from girls? They are not, boys hurt to, only problem is that society tells us that we don't, because that's all boys think about isn't it.
Sad, but that isn't exactly true.
Help empower men to come out and heal, It'll change the world.
Jan 2015
And
So 2015 Begins, with load shedding on the door step and the same old
same old happening this year, we start of with our vision as MatrixMen
for 2015.Awareness
This year as in every year our goal is awareness, we must raise awareness about the estimated 2,3 million adult men that are living dysfunctional lives because they were sexually abused as children, and in the process we will also raise awareness about the woman that have suffered this horrific fate. Rape and Sexual abuse in South Africa is no longer a female only problem, it is happening as often to young boys as to young girls. So Awareness is the key factor and that is what we will pursue throughout the existence of MatrixMen.
Goal Two Training of Counselors
We would like to train volunteer counselors in the churches in particular areas so that when we go to schools and go and do talks at various events, we can take the counselors with us to help deal with any child that has suffered a traumatic event. It will then be the duty of those volunteers to return to the schools in that area and continue supporting any victims that might be in that school.
Three, Talking to children (My greatest passion)
I want to be able to travel around South Africa training counselors and talking to children at schools, scouts, church youth, orphanages and even on the streets, talking about surviving abuse, self empowerment and giving hope for their future.
Some children grow up in this sort of environment and think that being raped by their siblings and parents is normal, or grow up fearful that the neighbor will kill them and their family. it is only when someone tells them that there is a better way or that what they are going through is not normal that they can begin to change their lives.
Victim support
A dream of mine is to have more boys report their sexual abuse abuse and to have more pedophiles prosecuted for the abuse perpetrated on little boys and girls. Often the prospect for the children and parents is to daunting and the default position is, "well just forget about it and we will carry on with life" I know that this approach does not work, it leads to a very dysfunctional unhappy existence.
We would like to establish a circle of Police, Doctors, forensic professionals and counselors to help families to deal with the legal medical and emotional impact of reporting and prosecuting pedophiles.
To My dismay, a very wealthy South African was exposed as a pedophile last year, and NOTHING is being done about it. Personally I would like to make an example of him and get his child molesting butt thrown in jail, and I would like the resources to be able to do this.
Support for Male Survivors.
MatrixMen was started as a group that supports male survivors and of course we want this to continue, in fact we would want to establish groups all around the country. We have an incredible step program that survivors can work through and we also want to have weekends of recovery for survivors around the country.
We feel that it is important to inform all our loyal supporters out there as to what our goals are and what it is that we do, and what is written above is in a nutshell what we plan.
Naturally we cannot do this without resources and call on anyone that would like to donate money, time, resources or services to let us know.
Some of our needs are.
> Money
> Printing of brochures, manuals and business cards
> Banners and promotional materials
> Laptops, projectors and sound equipment
> Vehicle sponsorship
> Hotel accommodation sponsorships
> Office equipment
> Website design and maintenance
> Multimedia and image consultants
> Air travel Sponsorships to international events such as the W.H.O
> And if a male clothing rage wants to get on board, great.
> Auditors
> Legal firms
So these are a few of the goals that we are setting for MatrixMen in 2015. if you can help or know of someone that can help please let us know.
Another proud moment is that we are registering as an NPO and the directors have stepped up and they are, TA DAAAA
Stephan Wagenaar
Jacques Venter.
Martin Pelders
These are men are passionate about helping Men and Children and I am happy that they are part of the team, Thanks Gents
As always you can get hold of me on
078-457-4911 I hope that you all have a blessed and prosperous new year, God Bless News January 2015
Firstly I would like to wish all a prosperous new year and I hope that all male survivors are able to come out and finally start to talk about their pain and struggles throught the years. It is still the best way to heal from your trauma.
Over December I had a well deserved break and did very little, it was bliss, but one of the people that I counsel can contact me directly, and we would occasionally chat, this person has come a long long way in their recovery and I am tremendously proud to know them and the struggle that they have gone through.
One thing that really stood out for me is this.
They sent me a message asking if possibly they had Aspergers. Now the minute I hear the word diagnosis my skin starts to crawl and I get nervous.
Diagnosis can be a two edged sword, the good side is that it gives one an insight into what behaviors you need to work on and resolve, the ones that are "socially unacceptable". The other side of this is that it tends to make the victims feel that this is terminal. There is a perceived tendency in psychological circles to believe that once diagnosed there is no turning back, but the truth is, a psychological diagnosis is like any other disease, treatable, you are NOT YOUR DIAGNOSIS.
I prefer to look at these diagnosis as a guidline to treatment in terms of the fact that we now have things to work on and repair. Lets look at the symptoms of aspergers and I take this from WEBMD.COM.
- Problems with social skills
- Eccentric or repetitive behaviors
- Unusual preoccupations or rituals
- Communication difficulties
- Limited range of interests
- Coordination problems
- Skilled or talented
Another perspective is from an Australian page BETTER HEALTH
- average or above-average intelligence
- difficulties with high-level language skills such as verbal reasoning, problem solving, making inferences and predictions
- difficulties in empathising with others
- problems with understanding another person’s point of view
- difficulties engaging in social routines such as conversations and ‘small talk’
- problems with controlling feelings such as anger, depression and anxiety
- a preference for routines and schedules which can result in stress or anxiety if a routine is disrupted
- specialised fields of interest or hobbies.
Now I am sure that many of us survivors can look at the list and say Yeah, that's me, I look at it and say that I have several traits so I have aspergers, but I don't, I refuse to be labeled, I have one label and that is Survivor and I wear that badge with pride.
Fact is that they talk about chemical imbalances of the brain and all sorts of other causes, but for survivors, there is only one cause and that is Sexual Abuse, nothing else.
We have over the course of many years developed traits that help us to cope with what we have been through, and these traits resemble Aspergers and many other diagnosis such as "borderline personality disorder" "Borderline Bi Polar disorder" and so on. So are we these things, sort of, we display traits of these diagnosis but, it is not a terminal illness that we will die with, it is not something that we will have to take potent medication for for the rest of our lives, it is more a guideline of things that we must work on as part of our recovery process.
Please Survivors, take all diagnosis and treat them for what they are, Symptoms of an abusive past, things that we have failed to develop as children because of the trauma that we endured, and also they are traits that we developed to protect ourselves from what was happening, protection measures if you will. With a good therapist or counselor, we can overcome all of these "symptoms" we can go on to live happy healthy productive lives and thrive.
News November 2014
Today is the start of the 16 days of activism against violence on woman and children. It is a valiant yet misguided attempt to raise awareness about the rape and violence perpetrated against Woman and children.
Firstly. Its almost December and most people are busy with their year end, wrapping up the year, for many this is the most profitable and the busiest time of the year, so already they are distracted and busy with the normal day to day grind.
for the rest they are busy running around, children have exams and things need to be arranged for the holidays and Christmas shopping etc, etc.
Most people I know actually let out a little groan when I mention the 16 days of activism "Oh word, now we'll will have to listen to all those tragic stories" they moan, "Well yes you must"
Sadly we seem to be doing something wrong because I have not seen a decline in the incidence of Gender Based Violence or rape and sexual abuse, in fact it has increased.
You know what they say the definition of insanity is, well it seems that the organizations that fight against GBV, Rape and Sexual abuse must be insane then, (Including me) because we keep doing the same thing in the hope that it will all miraculously change. Well its not.
One of the biggest problems in all of this in my Humble opinion is the fact that most of the programs to date have excluded one third of the victims in all of this, "Men" They also ignore 2/3rds of the perpetrators in this "Men" but on the flip side they also ignore 1/3 rd of the perpetrators in this "Woman"
So in my mind if we are not talking to all the stakeholders in the problem we are unlikely to find a solution.
After working in this arena for 4 years now, and being a victims myself, it is my opinion that child abuse is at the root of most of the problems of society.
If a child grows up being beaten and abused chances are he will become a violent angry alcoholic or addict, if a child grows up being raped, they will grow up to be an angry confused alcoholic addict. Its a generalization yes, but most of the victims male and female will grow up to be dysfunctional in some way.
What do angry confused addicts do? well ill leave that to you to decide.
Until organizations work on EDUCATION, educating men and woman boys and girls that this is not a good way to do things, then I doubt that it will change anytime soon.
We need to tell the children that it is not normal to be raped and it is not normal to be beaten everyday. We, The survivors of Abuse are the ones that can go around and educate the children, telling our stories and giving hope.
Its time to stand up and take back the world, if we don't stop this scourge, things will become worse and worse.
Lets look at different ways of doing things, lets get some ideas on how we can make a difference.
MatrixMen in Vroue Keur
MatrixMen was proudly represented in the Vroue Keur Magazine a local Afrikaans woman's magazine. It was a tremendous article written by Carla van der Spuy and we have had a great response to the article.
Bearing in mind that men seldom come out and talk about the pain that they endured, then add into that the cultural factor that Afrikaans men are bull wrestling, gun toting, rugby playing farmers, then I am truly excited by the response. We have had several emails, and many whats app messages and many many phone calls.
This to me is evidence that there is a desperate need for more publicity around the issue of male survivors in South Africa, and we have not even topuched on all the other cultural groups.
If you have a friend in the media please let us know so that we can contact them and chat about doing a article or news clip about male survivors, I promise that it will save a life.
Cape Town - A Kraaifontein policeman will
appear at the Blue Downs Magistrate’s Court on Friday for the multiple
rape of two young boys.
The 40-year-old policeman, who holds the rank
of warrant officer, was arrested by the Independent Police Investigative
Directorate (Ipid) on Wednesday.
He is alleged to have raped the boys, both aged
14, at his house as well as at the Bellville South Police Station where
he was based.
It is alleged that the officer had been sexually assaulting one of the boys since 2010, when the child was just 10.
“Ipid became aware of the matter on June 20,” Ipid acting spokeswoman Grace Langa said.
“Allegations came to light during the
investigation that the suspect had on many occasions raped the victims
and made them perform oral sex on him.
“It is alleged that some of these incidents occurred in the toilets of the police station where the suspect was based.
“There are also allegations that the suspect made the two minors watch pornographic videos at his house.
“He apparently gave the victims between R50 and R200 afterwards.”
Langa said Ipid had moved to arrest the policeman after allegations that he had made death threats against colleagues.
“The suspect was detained at Kraaifontein
Police Station. While in the police holding cells the suspect attempted
to commit suicide by cutting his wrists. He was rushed to a local clinic
for treatment after which he was transferred back.”
The latest Ipid annual report said there were
37 rape complaints against police officers in the Western Cape between
2012 and 2013.
Thirty of these cases involved off-duty officers, while seven involved officers on duty.
Cape Times
Comment
So what is it about this story that shocks us so tremendously, the fact that it was a Police officer that did this heinous crime, or the fact that he raped boys?
This happens every day thousands of times a day in South Africa alone Why then are we so surprised at the news. Yes it is disturbing that it was an officer of the law that is "Allegedly" guilty of these crimes, but we are all aware of the fact that he is human and not a saint. Even police men can be criminals in South Africa, a fact that we are painfully aware off.
So it must then be the fact that it is little boys that have been raped. Well let me tell you that when i go to my school outreaches, Off which I have done to few this year, (Thanks FORD South Africa for Pulling your sponsorship) I see that in most of the country that there is an average of about 30% of the children that have been Sexually abused. This is based on perception rather than science, but In the fairest Cape, Up to about 60% yes 60% of the children there are sexually abused.
We need a really serious effort to turn things around in the Cape. It is evident in the number of drug cases and gang crimes that take place there. So it does not astound me that this happened in the Cape, it doesnt shock me that the perpetrator was a Police man, and It does not shock me that the victims of this abuse were little boys.
We need to turn this around, we need serious Government interventon to help us turn this around, We need former victims of sexual abuse (Male) to come out and talk about this and to tell people that this is not OK and that it Does happen.
This "Dirty Little Secret" attitude towards Sexual abuse MUST END. It will only start to change when Good Men and Woman stand up and start to talk about what it is that happened to them.
I hope that the Western Cape Government will have the courage to fund a program to raise awareness, because the National Government certainly Does Not Have the necessary ummmmm stuff to tackle this problem
Come ON Democratic Alliance Lead the way for South Africa and Lets begin a Program to turn the tide of Sexual Abuse In the Country.
"Following a dramatic six-week hearing, the jury at Southwark crown court
convicted Harris of 12 counts of indecent assault, from 12 initial
charges dating over nearly two decades from 1968."
Again what follows a trial like this is disbelief and doubt.
This man portrayed the perfect entertainer, lover of children espousing moral values and setting a shining example of what a man should be. Faithfully married and loyal to a T to his daughter and family.
So how is it then that everyone missed it so completely. Well its simple, This man is a predator, a manipulator and a con who's life's work was set in such a way to get him into a situation where he could indulge his Lus, a lust that would go on to devastates at least 12 young womans lives.
One thing that intrigues me is that a Pedophile such as himself, generally does it because its about power, so gender often is not a problem. if this is the case then were are the men that he has molested? why are they not coming forward.
As in another famous case in South Africa, with an unnamed famous person, I have heard rumors that there were young boys involved, three from what I can understand, well three that have mentioned it. So why is it that the woman are facing the music alone, why is it that the men feel that they cannot prosecute the perpetrators?
What will it take for men to finally pluck up the courage to come out and tell the world that they were abused?
There are so many trials happening at the moment, and there appears to be a slew of them coming from the UK, but again there are so few men talking out about their abuse.
Saville was a monster and it appears to me that he definitely had a desire for boys and girls, Where are the cases?
This is something that must change, there is a desperate need for men to talk out about their abuse, it is vital. We will never make inroads into the incidence of sexual abuse in the world if the victims continue to be silent. I know that here in South Africa, there is a turn towards abusing boys as they will not report and thus the chances of the perpetrator getting caught are Zero.
Unless the victims of past abuse get the courage to speak out, things will not get better, even once the victims do speak out, it is going to take a long time for the perceptions of Society to change, but it desperately needs to start somewhere, All journeys start with a single step, Its time that the male victims of sexual abuse begin to take that journey, for the sake of generations to come.
June 2014
There is this constant focus on "Stopping Child Abuse" In my country where there are numerous organizations that are geared towards this very cause, but to honest If we look at the numbers, Its not working.
So how do we achieve this end, how do we actually get the numbers to decline?
To be honest we will never end child abuse, that is a pipe dream I'd love to see, but we need to be realistic.
So How?
My thoughts are to look at campaigns that have achieved some measure of success.
Here in South Africa, we had a group called the Treatment Action Campaign. They fought to raise awareness about people that live with HIV AIDS. They had a campaign that was very successful and really did make inroads into the treatment of AIDS. As a country with the highest prevalence of HIV AIDS in the world, we now have in excess of 1 million people on ARV's. This campaign made a government change its policy and destigmatized people with HIV AIDS.
Another Successful campaign was the fight for the equal rights of homosexuals. We now have a constitution that allows homosexuals to get married. This has been a worldwide campaign and slowly more and more countries are amending their constitutions to allow this, regardless of what you believe.
Oddly enough the campaign to reclassify Pedophiles is fast gaining ground around the world, Yes an Odd statement to make on a site that has its victims as members.
So what is the common denominator?
From what I can see Its Pride.
In every Situation, it has Taken the "victims" and made them Proud. The TAC took a lot of people suffering from HIV AIDS and Stood before parliament with Placards saying HIV positive and Proud, HIV Positive and thriving, and on and on.
Around the world we have Gay pride days where the men and woman strut their stuff. If you want to continue in that vein, the suffers of cancer many years ago were also stigmatized, nowadays they fill stadiums as survivors.
So What is wrong with Survivors of Sexual Abuse?
Why can we not stand Proud, Why can we not say to the world that we suffered the most Heinous of attacks on our beings and SURVIVED. Personally, I am a Proud Survivor, I can tell you with confidence that I faced Hell and Conquered.
Why then do I find it hard to get 10 Survivors into a Secret room to talk about their pain?
When will WE make the decision to to stand Proud in front of the world and say, "If you think it was child's play you are mistaken"?
Its time Survivors, Its time for us to break the silence, its time that we stand Proud and tell the world that this is not good enough, that a billionaire that rapes a child only gets 4 months in jail.
ITS TIME TO RISE UP SURVIVORS AND SAY THAT THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
May 2014
This is a topic tat I am absolutely passionate about and something that people do NOT want to see or face but, as time goes on I am finding more and more information that is proving the theory.
Who perpetrates Sexual abuse more Men or Woman
There is research posted by the Istitute of securityy studies here in South Africathat tells us the fillowing:-
I have not changed the context of the study I have just copied the pertinent information
At this time the rape laws in South Africa are more gender neutral (was changed in 2007) and this report defines “sex” as penis in vagina or penis in anus. Hence the report excludes oral sex in all forms.
So how do we achieve this end, how do we actually get the numbers to decline?
To be honest we will never end child abuse, that is a pipe dream I'd love to see, but we need to be realistic.
So How?
My thoughts are to look at campaigns that have achieved some measure of success.
Here in South Africa, we had a group called the Treatment Action Campaign. They fought to raise awareness about people that live with HIV AIDS. They had a campaign that was very successful and really did make inroads into the treatment of AIDS. As a country with the highest prevalence of HIV AIDS in the world, we now have in excess of 1 million people on ARV's. This campaign made a government change its policy and destigmatized people with HIV AIDS.
Another Successful campaign was the fight for the equal rights of homosexuals. We now have a constitution that allows homosexuals to get married. This has been a worldwide campaign and slowly more and more countries are amending their constitutions to allow this, regardless of what you believe.
Oddly enough the campaign to reclassify Pedophiles is fast gaining ground around the world, Yes an Odd statement to make on a site that has its victims as members.
So what is the common denominator?
From what I can see Its Pride.
In every Situation, it has Taken the "victims" and made them Proud. The TAC took a lot of people suffering from HIV AIDS and Stood before parliament with Placards saying HIV positive and Proud, HIV Positive and thriving, and on and on.
Around the world we have Gay pride days where the men and woman strut their stuff. If you want to continue in that vein, the suffers of cancer many years ago were also stigmatized, nowadays they fill stadiums as survivors.
So What is wrong with Survivors of Sexual Abuse?
Why can we not stand Proud, Why can we not say to the world that we suffered the most Heinous of attacks on our beings and SURVIVED. Personally, I am a Proud Survivor, I can tell you with confidence that I faced Hell and Conquered.
Why then do I find it hard to get 10 Survivors into a Secret room to talk about their pain?
When will WE make the decision to to stand Proud in front of the world and say, "If you think it was child's play you are mistaken"?
Its time Survivors, Its time for us to break the silence, its time that we stand Proud and tell the world that this is not good enough, that a billionaire that rapes a child only gets 4 months in jail.
ITS TIME TO RISE UP SURVIVORS AND SAY THAT THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
May 2014
This is a topic tat I am absolutely passionate about and something that people do NOT want to see or face but, as time goes on I am finding more and more information that is proving the theory.
Who perpetrates Sexual abuse more Men or Woman
There is research posted by the Istitute of securityy studies here in South Africathat tells us the fillowing:-
I have not changed the context of the study I have just copied the pertinent information
- A 2002 South African survey among pupils with a extremely large sample size of 269,705 total where 126,696 were male respondents. The age of respondents ranged from 10-20 year old. The survey used the term “forced sex without consent” in a gender neutral way (apparently the word rape doesn’t exist in some of the languages this survey was administered in).
- Some 9% of male respondents aged 11–19 years reported forced sex in the last year.
Of those aged 18 years at the time of the survey, 44% said they had been forced to have sex in their lives and 50% reported consensual sex. - Some 32% said the perpetrator was male,
41% said she was female and
27% said they had been forced to have sex by both male and female perpetrators. - Around 11% of males and 4% of females claimed to have forced someone else to have sex; 66% of these males and 71% of these females had themselves been forced to have sex.
- 8.6% of respondents said they had been forced to have sex in the past year. Younger males were more likely to report this than younger females. In the older age group, more females than males reported having been forced to have sex in the past year.
At this time the rape laws in South Africa are more gender neutral (was changed in 2007) and this report defines “sex” as penis in vagina or penis in anus. Hence the report excludes oral sex in all forms.
- 11.9% of boys reported having been forced to sex
- 8.2% of girls report having been forced to sex
- 11.5% of boys report having forced someone else to have sex
- 6.6% of girls report having forced someone else to have sex
- 16.5% of boys reported having been assaulted by boyfriend/girlfriend in the last 6 months
- 13.8% of girls reported having been assaulted by boyfriend/girlfriend in the last 6 months
- 15,3% of boys reported having assaulted their boyfriend/girlfriend in the last 6 months
- 11.7% of girls reported having assaulted their boyfriend/girlfriend in the last 6 months
Often research is done with the premise that men are perpetrators, and woman are care givers. What we are strongly finding and this is from experience rather than science, is the following.
- As many boys as girls are being sexually abused.
- there are almost as many female perpetrators as there are male in South Africa.
Please let us know what your experiences are
May 2014
Another sad day. We have just heard that a pastor was arrested in the
western cape Khayalietsha, for sexually abusing young girls. My first
question is why is it called abuse and not RAPE, cause really that is
what it is, its rape, nothing else. Sexual Abuse sounds almost
acceptable doesn't it.
I wasn't sexually abused, I was raped, I did not have a choice as a little child, it was a forceful act with no consent.
There are two sides to this story, the first is that I am glad that this man was caught, It must have taken such courage for these young girls to tell their stories, to expose themselves and there pain.
But I am so sad that once again a whole bunch of young girls will have top live with the shame, pain and embarrassment of what this horrible man did to them.
I hope that these young ladies will be able to get the help that they so rightly deserve. WE need to break the cycle of abuse, and it sadly will only change when we as survivors turn around and say I am a survivor, break the silence and stand up for future generations.
The other factor that always strikes me, as it did in the Bob Hewitt case, Why are the boys that have been sexually abused not come forward, why is it always the woman that come out and talk.
Men were abused in the Hewitt case, I don't know this as fact but I feel it I know in my heart of hearts that they were, and the same goes for this case, this so called pastor that hurt these girls, also hurt boys, and sadly they will be doomed to live with the pain of this for the rest of their lives.
I pray that our colleagues in the western cape will help to support the girls and be there for them, and I hope that the NPA do a proper job and put this man away forever.
I wasn't sexually abused, I was raped, I did not have a choice as a little child, it was a forceful act with no consent.
There are two sides to this story, the first is that I am glad that this man was caught, It must have taken such courage for these young girls to tell their stories, to expose themselves and there pain.
But I am so sad that once again a whole bunch of young girls will have top live with the shame, pain and embarrassment of what this horrible man did to them.
I hope that these young ladies will be able to get the help that they so rightly deserve. WE need to break the cycle of abuse, and it sadly will only change when we as survivors turn around and say I am a survivor, break the silence and stand up for future generations.
The other factor that always strikes me, as it did in the Bob Hewitt case, Why are the boys that have been sexually abused not come forward, why is it always the woman that come out and talk.
Men were abused in the Hewitt case, I don't know this as fact but I feel it I know in my heart of hearts that they were, and the same goes for this case, this so called pastor that hurt these girls, also hurt boys, and sadly they will be doomed to live with the pain of this for the rest of their lives.
I pray that our colleagues in the western cape will help to support the girls and be there for them, and I hope that the NPA do a proper job and put this man away forever.
28 March 2014
Hi all, Our founder Martin Has been asked to do a show on Carte Blanche, A south African News program, about Porn Addiction and the effects of it on men and woman. It will be aired on Sunday night he 30th of March on DSTV, so Please support us and watch the program and call in and comment.
This is an incredibly important program and one that is seldom spoken about. Porn addiction is one of the fastest growing Addictions in the world and no one even ventures there.
Please Support this initiative and comment on our Blog or on twitter @Matrixmensa
We really value all the support that we have received to date, Thank you and keep it coming.
24 March 2014
Well there is a lot to talk about, but the most prominent case is currently being heard in Australia. They are discussing the case of the Catholic church and their involvement in the cover up of the sexual abuse cases that happened in that country.
Lets be honest the Church does not have a sterling record in terms of protecting the victims and history has shown its propensity toward protecting its Pedophile clergy and its image.
I hope that the case in Australia encourages the Churches to come clean, and to put the health and well being of the thousands of victims above that of the few rouge sick priests. Surely they will gain more respect if they actually out the few pedophiles, and offer the victims moral and psychological support. That to me is a better option and not some ham fisted attempt at protecting the Pedophiles.
It would be heart warming if the victims finally win something and the church is punished in some way. We all know that money does not make us well but it will go a long way in terms of paying for all that really expensive therapy.
Read More about the case Here
11 March 2014
This morning we awoke to the news that a British former MP and deputy speaker of the Torry party is being prosecuted for Sexual assault and sexual abuse. We are very happy about this and support any effort to get pedophiles of the streets and into jail. This brings into a different light the recent mumblings about no proof that sex with minors effects them adversely. (Seriously) Well it is good news that this is all coming to light. What is a bit disturbing is that it would seem that several members of the British parliament actually knew about this dirty little mans hobby of destroying young boys lives, and actually helped to cover it up. Seriously? I mean are the lives of young boys of no consequence to the British establishment, are we just disposable, much in the same way as the lives of soldiers in a pointless war. Are the lives of these young boys just acceptable damage?
It is high time that we start to point out the effects that abuse has on the lives of the young boys and there loved ones and immediate family. I is time that the world stands up and realises that is not only woman that are being raped, but young boys too. This is not a competition between the boys and the girls, it is a plea by men all over the world that were raped as little boys and are now pleading for help and healing.
It is time that we use cases such as this to highlight the needs of Male Survivors, the fact that we need healing and help, that we too can be hurt and feel pain. We are not cowboys and we should be allowed to cry.
Extract taken from the The Independent
The former Deputy Speaker Nigel Evans was warned by senior Conservative Party figures including its then Chief Whip, Patrick McLoughlin, to modify his drinking and predatory sexual behavior four years before he was charged with the alleged rape of a student, a court heard on Monday.
March 2014
Can you believe its March already?
Hi all, Our founder Martin Has been asked to do a show on Carte Blanche, A south African News program, about Porn Addiction and the effects of it on men and woman. It will be aired on Sunday night he 30th of March on DSTV, so Please support us and watch the program and call in and comment.
This is an incredibly important program and one that is seldom spoken about. Porn addiction is one of the fastest growing Addictions in the world and no one even ventures there.
Please Support this initiative and comment on our Blog or on twitter @Matrixmensa
We really value all the support that we have received to date, Thank you and keep it coming.
24 March 2014
Well there is a lot to talk about, but the most prominent case is currently being heard in Australia. They are discussing the case of the Catholic church and their involvement in the cover up of the sexual abuse cases that happened in that country.
Lets be honest the Church does not have a sterling record in terms of protecting the victims and history has shown its propensity toward protecting its Pedophile clergy and its image.
I hope that the case in Australia encourages the Churches to come clean, and to put the health and well being of the thousands of victims above that of the few rouge sick priests. Surely they will gain more respect if they actually out the few pedophiles, and offer the victims moral and psychological support. That to me is a better option and not some ham fisted attempt at protecting the Pedophiles.
It would be heart warming if the victims finally win something and the church is punished in some way. We all know that money does not make us well but it will go a long way in terms of paying for all that really expensive therapy.
Read More about the case Here
11 March 2014
This morning we awoke to the news that a British former MP and deputy speaker of the Torry party is being prosecuted for Sexual assault and sexual abuse. We are very happy about this and support any effort to get pedophiles of the streets and into jail. This brings into a different light the recent mumblings about no proof that sex with minors effects them adversely. (Seriously) Well it is good news that this is all coming to light. What is a bit disturbing is that it would seem that several members of the British parliament actually knew about this dirty little mans hobby of destroying young boys lives, and actually helped to cover it up. Seriously? I mean are the lives of young boys of no consequence to the British establishment, are we just disposable, much in the same way as the lives of soldiers in a pointless war. Are the lives of these young boys just acceptable damage?
It is high time that we start to point out the effects that abuse has on the lives of the young boys and there loved ones and immediate family. I is time that the world stands up and realises that is not only woman that are being raped, but young boys too. This is not a competition between the boys and the girls, it is a plea by men all over the world that were raped as little boys and are now pleading for help and healing.
It is time that we use cases such as this to highlight the needs of Male Survivors, the fact that we need healing and help, that we too can be hurt and feel pain. We are not cowboys and we should be allowed to cry.
Extract taken from the The Independent
The former Deputy Speaker Nigel Evans was warned by senior Conservative Party figures including its then Chief Whip, Patrick McLoughlin, to modify his drinking and predatory sexual behavior four years before he was charged with the alleged rape of a student, a court heard on Monday.
Mr Evans, 56, who is accused of sexually assaulting seven men, was
described as a “very well-known and powerful individual” who would prey
on young people with ambitions in politics.
Preston Crown Court heard the attacks happened at a variety of locations around the Palace of Westminster.
Although allegations were aired at the most senior levels of the Tory party, police were not called until the alleged rape of the student in March 2013 was drawn to the attention of the Speaker, John Bercow, who alerted detectives.
A year before the 2010 general election, Mr Evans was advised by Mr McLoughlin, now a minister for transport, to come out as gay, the court heard. This followed an alleged assault on a parliamentary aide who claimed the Tory grabbed hold of his penis as he slept at his home in Pendleton, Lancashire, which was also reported to Tory whip Michael Fabricant.
The alleged incident was also discussed with Iain Corby, Corby, managing director of the Policy Research Unit, Mr McLoughlin and his deputy John Randall. The jury was told that the timing was considered “unfortunate” because it was less than a year before a general election.
It was agreed that Mr Evans should not resign – despite the wishes of the alleged victim that he do so – but would seek help for his drinking and that he should “not put himself in situations which could be misconstrued”. He was then told that he should come out as gay, said Mark Heywood QC, for the prosecution.
Mr Evans was warned a second time about his behaviour, this time in 2010, by fellow MP Conor Burns around the time of the Speaker’s election. “It was suggested that he socialise with MPs and not with young people or researchers,” the court heard.
It was alleged that parliamentary aides and party workers were sexually abused over a period of 10 years. The alleged attacks took place at the Tory party conference, in a bar, corridor and office of the House of Commons as well as at Mr Evans’ Lancashire constituency home.
Opening its case at the start of the five-week trial, the prosecution said Mr Evans, who denies all the charges against him, was often drunk and would trade on his influence to press home his sexual attentions. “Part of his influence included the ability to make, or to break, the careers of young people who would be politicians or work for those who govern,” Mr Heywood said. His actions were “repeated over time, despite warnings”, he added.
It was alleged the first indecent assault occurred between 2002-03 and involved an openly gay 27-year-old man. At the time Mr Evans was shadow Welsh Secretary and it was claimed he put his hands down the trousers of the younger man in a Soho bar.
The second incident was said to have taken place in the early hours at the Number 10 bar of the Imperial Hotel in Blackpool during the 2003 Tory party conference. The alleged victim was drinking with a journalist friend when a “plastered” Mr Evans approached them and again put his hands down his trousers. The matter was reported to a member of the Conservative Party Board and Mr Evans was escorted to bed by Mr Burns, who later became an MP, and Nirj Deva MEP.
The matter was referred to Mark Hoban, then a junior whip. Although the party worker was “clearly upset and considered that he was a victim of a sexual assault”, he did not want the matter referred to the police or to become a disciplinary matter.
A third alleged attack occurred between 2009 and 2010 and involved a 21-year-old bisexual student who, it was claimed, was confronted by Mr Evans in a corridor outside the Strangers Bar in the House of Commons. He was beckoned behind a curtain where the older man tried to kiss him. No further complaint was made.
The jury also heard that in the summer of 2009 a young man, who had initially contacted Mr Evans on Facebook while he was a student studying politics, accompanied the MP to his constituency home. On the second night of his stay he had been with Mr Evans and an aide at his local pub before returning to his home with a group of others. During the night it is alleged that Mr Evans fondled the young man as he slept under a blanket on the sofa. He pushed him away and the MP apologised. The matter was later referred to Mr McLoughlin, then the Tory Chief Whip – described by the prosecution as “the man in charge” – the court heard.
A fifth alleged victim claimed he was sexually assaulted shortly after the general election after drinking in a bar at the Commons. It was around the time Mr Evans was fighting his successful campaign to become Deputy Speaker and he was part of a group of MPs drinking.
Mr Heywood said: “Suddenly without warning, invitation or cause the defendant reached out with his right hand and physically cupped [his] genitals through his clothing,” he said. “The defendant did not seem to react and just carried on as if nothing had happened,” he added.
The sixth sexual assault was alleged to have occurred in 2011 in Mr Evans’ speaker’s office where he had a small bedroom. The alleged victim and a number of MPs were present. The younger man was lured by “a ruse” to a kitchenette where, Mr Heywood said, he grabbed his hand and forced it on to his erect penis.
The final incident involved a student who had first met Mr Evans when he was aged 15. He was invited in March 2013 to dinner with three other guests at Mr Evans’ constituency home. When the others left it is alleged he was groped by the MP, who then followed him upstairs and guided him into his bedroom.
There, it was claimed, he tried to kiss and fondle the younger man, who repeatedly tried to move and brush his hand away. The prosecution said he feared confrontation and locked himself in the toilet where he sent a series of text messages to another of Mr Evans’ alleged victims.
One said: “Help me.” Another said: “Nigel has tried to stick his tongue down my throat three times,” while the other said “100 per cent penis grabbing”. Later in the night he awoke to find Mr Evans astride his back. The younger man “froze in shock” and he was raped, the court heard.
“Mr Evans was not aggressive or particularly forceful,” Mr Heywood claimed, adding that he had been wearing a condom. He then allegedly tried to force him into performing oral sex. “I’m really, really tired and you have church,” he is alleged to have told the older man.
The trial continues.
Preston Crown Court heard the attacks happened at a variety of locations around the Palace of Westminster.
Although allegations were aired at the most senior levels of the Tory party, police were not called until the alleged rape of the student in March 2013 was drawn to the attention of the Speaker, John Bercow, who alerted detectives.
A year before the 2010 general election, Mr Evans was advised by Mr McLoughlin, now a minister for transport, to come out as gay, the court heard. This followed an alleged assault on a parliamentary aide who claimed the Tory grabbed hold of his penis as he slept at his home in Pendleton, Lancashire, which was also reported to Tory whip Michael Fabricant.
The alleged incident was also discussed with Iain Corby, Corby, managing director of the Policy Research Unit, Mr McLoughlin and his deputy John Randall. The jury was told that the timing was considered “unfortunate” because it was less than a year before a general election.
It was agreed that Mr Evans should not resign – despite the wishes of the alleged victim that he do so – but would seek help for his drinking and that he should “not put himself in situations which could be misconstrued”. He was then told that he should come out as gay, said Mark Heywood QC, for the prosecution.
Mr Evans was warned a second time about his behaviour, this time in 2010, by fellow MP Conor Burns around the time of the Speaker’s election. “It was suggested that he socialise with MPs and not with young people or researchers,” the court heard.
It was alleged that parliamentary aides and party workers were sexually abused over a period of 10 years. The alleged attacks took place at the Tory party conference, in a bar, corridor and office of the House of Commons as well as at Mr Evans’ Lancashire constituency home.
Opening its case at the start of the five-week trial, the prosecution said Mr Evans, who denies all the charges against him, was often drunk and would trade on his influence to press home his sexual attentions. “Part of his influence included the ability to make, or to break, the careers of young people who would be politicians or work for those who govern,” Mr Heywood said. His actions were “repeated over time, despite warnings”, he added.
It was alleged the first indecent assault occurred between 2002-03 and involved an openly gay 27-year-old man. At the time Mr Evans was shadow Welsh Secretary and it was claimed he put his hands down the trousers of the younger man in a Soho bar.
The second incident was said to have taken place in the early hours at the Number 10 bar of the Imperial Hotel in Blackpool during the 2003 Tory party conference. The alleged victim was drinking with a journalist friend when a “plastered” Mr Evans approached them and again put his hands down his trousers. The matter was reported to a member of the Conservative Party Board and Mr Evans was escorted to bed by Mr Burns, who later became an MP, and Nirj Deva MEP.
The matter was referred to Mark Hoban, then a junior whip. Although the party worker was “clearly upset and considered that he was a victim of a sexual assault”, he did not want the matter referred to the police or to become a disciplinary matter.
A third alleged attack occurred between 2009 and 2010 and involved a 21-year-old bisexual student who, it was claimed, was confronted by Mr Evans in a corridor outside the Strangers Bar in the House of Commons. He was beckoned behind a curtain where the older man tried to kiss him. No further complaint was made.
The jury also heard that in the summer of 2009 a young man, who had initially contacted Mr Evans on Facebook while he was a student studying politics, accompanied the MP to his constituency home. On the second night of his stay he had been with Mr Evans and an aide at his local pub before returning to his home with a group of others. During the night it is alleged that Mr Evans fondled the young man as he slept under a blanket on the sofa. He pushed him away and the MP apologised. The matter was later referred to Mr McLoughlin, then the Tory Chief Whip – described by the prosecution as “the man in charge” – the court heard.
A fifth alleged victim claimed he was sexually assaulted shortly after the general election after drinking in a bar at the Commons. It was around the time Mr Evans was fighting his successful campaign to become Deputy Speaker and he was part of a group of MPs drinking.
Mr Heywood said: “Suddenly without warning, invitation or cause the defendant reached out with his right hand and physically cupped [his] genitals through his clothing,” he said. “The defendant did not seem to react and just carried on as if nothing had happened,” he added.
The sixth sexual assault was alleged to have occurred in 2011 in Mr Evans’ speaker’s office where he had a small bedroom. The alleged victim and a number of MPs were present. The younger man was lured by “a ruse” to a kitchenette where, Mr Heywood said, he grabbed his hand and forced it on to his erect penis.
The final incident involved a student who had first met Mr Evans when he was aged 15. He was invited in March 2013 to dinner with three other guests at Mr Evans’ constituency home. When the others left it is alleged he was groped by the MP, who then followed him upstairs and guided him into his bedroom.
There, it was claimed, he tried to kiss and fondle the younger man, who repeatedly tried to move and brush his hand away. The prosecution said he feared confrontation and locked himself in the toilet where he sent a series of text messages to another of Mr Evans’ alleged victims.
One said: “Help me.” Another said: “Nigel has tried to stick his tongue down my throat three times,” while the other said “100 per cent penis grabbing”. Later in the night he awoke to find Mr Evans astride his back. The younger man “froze in shock” and he was raped, the court heard.
“Mr Evans was not aggressive or particularly forceful,” Mr Heywood claimed, adding that he had been wearing a condom. He then allegedly tried to force him into performing oral sex. “I’m really, really tired and you have church,” he is alleged to have told the older man.
The trial continues.
March 2014
Can you believe its March already?
Its March and the Oscar Pistorius trial has started, the worlds press is fixated on the man that allegedly killed his girlfriend. The Problem, well that means that we are going to struggle to get any meaningful press coverage for any Sexual Abuse stories and its going to be hard to raise awareness around the issue.
For me personally it has been a hard month, the deep dark depression has reared its ugly head and it has been a struggle to rip myself out of the funk. The worst is being with someone and they say something arbertary, and you just burst out in tears. Wow I have some really understanding friends.
So the depression is behind me, the wanting to act out is still hovering in the back of my mind and we continue to focus on life going forward.
We are sitting down and planning the year to come for MatrixMen, and our affiliate Fast SA, and seeing where and how to raise awareness and of course raise funds. (Anyone want to sponsor us)
Our first ladies meeting is on the 11th of March so I am looking forward to the first meeting, I dont know if any one will attend, but we will not loose hope. Ann Biccard will be chairing those meetings for us and i am relly happy that we have found such a competent counselor to head up those meetings.
There is such a huge need for support in South Africa, being the rape capital of the world, and I am surprised that there isnt more support around.
Well all dont forget that If you need support you can call us.
Martin 078-457-4911 For the mens groups and
Ann 079-495-3783
The mens meetings are the last Tuesday of every month and the ladies meetings are the 2nd Tuesday of the month. THESE ARE GENDER SPECIFIC MEETINGS.
Happy healing all
February News
Ok, So today on my way in to work I hear something that makes me fold over double in hysterics. This is headline news, (Really)
Today In NewYork Police busted the biggest Cock fighting ring in history, over 3000 birds were rescued and in one fight nearly 70 people were arrested. (Seriously)
Well just to let you know my mind is pretty visual, and the images in my mind were hilarious, I mean the scene of police loading these mangy straggly featherless cockerels into a NYSPCA van were just hilarious.
What was not as funny was the next image that came to mind, children with tears running down their cheeks, children walking the streets of large cities selling themselves, children in our beloved Johannesburg, walking the streets sniffing glue, little boys being sodomized.
Really you are going to make the rescue of 3000 cockerels headline news? 3000 cockerels that were going to be dinner anyway.
I am all for animal rights, absolutely and the abuse of these animals is horrible, but when I cant even get airtime to raise awareness about the plight of little boys and girls that are being trafficked for sex, being raped, being sodomized, then I have to wonder what the hell this world is coming too.
In recent months we have been trying to raise awareness around the issue of Pedophile reclasification, do you think people are interested, no, lets rather save the roosters.
We are facing a dilemma of extreme proportions here, are we really getting to the point that the rights of animals trump the rights of children? Is there no happy medium, no compromise. I know that suddenly there is a proliferation of Save the rhino foundations because it is easier to raise funds for animals than it is to raise money for children. Makes me wonder about the motivation for doing it.
Am I crazy in that I think it is more important to save the children, do people not realize that the children that do survive and grow up to be adults, grow up to be really angry pissed off adults?
We need to change our perspective, we need to change the way we do things. We are failing our children, we are setting ourselves up to endure more crime, more sickness and more perversion.
People keep telling us that the world is loosing its moral compass, and you question why?
Lets start helping our children, lets start supporting the organizations that help Children. I know that a superb organization that helps children the Nelspruit Child Welfare, Is currently struggling to make ends meet and do all the projects that they have set out to do. Lets raise awareness for them, lets draw attention to all the good work that they do, lets change the lives of 1000's of children, who knows one of them might be the next Einstein, the next Mandela.
Lets get the perspectives right.
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I logged on to the page now and saw the picture of Everest in the background, and it struck me. This is what my life has been, a constant struggle to climb this incredibly high mountain. The thing is, this mountain has been conquered so many times now, it is almost like everyone is doing it.
Today In NewYork Police busted the biggest Cock fighting ring in history, over 3000 birds were rescued and in one fight nearly 70 people were arrested. (Seriously)
Well just to let you know my mind is pretty visual, and the images in my mind were hilarious, I mean the scene of police loading these mangy straggly featherless cockerels into a NYSPCA van were just hilarious.
What was not as funny was the next image that came to mind, children with tears running down their cheeks, children walking the streets of large cities selling themselves, children in our beloved Johannesburg, walking the streets sniffing glue, little boys being sodomized.
Really you are going to make the rescue of 3000 cockerels headline news? 3000 cockerels that were going to be dinner anyway.
I am all for animal rights, absolutely and the abuse of these animals is horrible, but when I cant even get airtime to raise awareness about the plight of little boys and girls that are being trafficked for sex, being raped, being sodomized, then I have to wonder what the hell this world is coming too.
In recent months we have been trying to raise awareness around the issue of Pedophile reclasification, do you think people are interested, no, lets rather save the roosters.
We are facing a dilemma of extreme proportions here, are we really getting to the point that the rights of animals trump the rights of children? Is there no happy medium, no compromise. I know that suddenly there is a proliferation of Save the rhino foundations because it is easier to raise funds for animals than it is to raise money for children. Makes me wonder about the motivation for doing it.
Am I crazy in that I think it is more important to save the children, do people not realize that the children that do survive and grow up to be adults, grow up to be really angry pissed off adults?
We need to change our perspective, we need to change the way we do things. We are failing our children, we are setting ourselves up to endure more crime, more sickness and more perversion.
People keep telling us that the world is loosing its moral compass, and you question why?
Lets start helping our children, lets start supporting the organizations that help Children. I know that a superb organization that helps children the Nelspruit Child Welfare, Is currently struggling to make ends meet and do all the projects that they have set out to do. Lets raise awareness for them, lets draw attention to all the good work that they do, lets change the lives of 1000's of children, who knows one of them might be the next Einstein, the next Mandela.
Lets get the perspectives right.
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I logged on to the page now and saw the picture of Everest in the background, and it struck me. This is what my life has been, a constant struggle to climb this incredibly high mountain. The thing is, this mountain has been conquered so many times now, it is almost like everyone is doing it.
The same cannot be said for Male Survivors of sexual abuse. There are still millions and millions of men that are suffering the shame of their childhoods. Its a crazy thought isn't it.
This for me is just inspiration to carry on talking and talking, this, to me is the only way that the world will sit up and take notice of what is going on.
Men should not be shamed into submission, or shamed into silence any longer, and until I have shouted loud enough for every survivor to get that message, I will not stop.
In South Africa this is still one of the least talked about subjects. Everyday I open my mail, I get a hundred messages where organizations talk about woman, woman raped, woman abused, woman in Domestic violence, woman in sexual abuse. What do we hear about men. NOTHING.
I am guilty of this myself. The other day I was invited to like a page on face-book about men as domestic violence victims, my thought:-
"Awe they should Man up"
My second thought was:-
"It couldn't have been as bad as what I went trough"
Am I proud of these thoughts......NO, but I am just being honest here.
Society thinks this way, they laugh at the men that have been raped or abused, well let them laugh. Personally I have never had someone laugh at me when I have told them that I was sexually abused and raped, most people feel sorry, but I dont want their sympathy, I just want people too listen.
My own Father, whom I love dearly, asked me if I wasn't sharing to much on the Internet.
I can understand where he is coming from, but when I said,
"Dad If I don't do it then who is going to fight for these men to heal"
He responded by saying that he agreed.
Its got to be tough for him, my activism is possibly a constant reminder to him, that he in some way failed as a father. I know this is not the truth, in fact Once my Dad beat one of my perpetrators, and it was this action that kept me alive. I felt that if he was prepared to beat a man larger than himself, and risk life and limb for me, then he had to love me. I was at this point at an all time low in my life contemplating yet again to end it all.
Survivors, we may need to climb an Everest, but it is not impossible, many people have done it now. Make conquering Sexual Abuse in your life an Everest, Something that you personally must conquer, and once this is done you will be able to live a full and happy life.
If there are any Male Survivors out there that would like to join me in Shouting it out loud and proud, please drop me a mail, more so if there are any male survivors that would like to talk in confidence, drop me a mail, our desire here at MatrixMen is to see men recover from Sexual abuse. You deserve it.
Be Kind to yourselves.
Martin
January 2014
31 -01-2014
Today is the Anniversary of the brutal rape and mutilation of Anene Booysens, the young lady who's case was brought to the spotlight because she did unfortunately not survive this brutal attack. As sad as it is, it took a case like this to galvanize a nation into some form of action. It would have been more tragic if this case had not garnered any response, and this poor young ladies death had been in vain.
It is truly sad that it took something so horrific to actually move us to action. Why do we as a nation not take a stand against this and tell the world and all the perverts that this is not acceptable anymore.
This is something that is not going to be stopped when we have a day of activism or even 16 days of activism, it will only change when we take a daily stand against Sexual Abuse and Rape.
Fighting this starts at Home.
Parents teach your children to be safe. 90% of all Sexual abuse cases are perpetrated by someone we know, A teacher, a pastor, an uncle, cousin. We need to stop telling our children to watch out for strangers, this will give them the impression that its ok if the uncle does this because he is not a stranger.
Empower your children, talk to them about sexual abuse and how to protect themselves, but mostly open up the lines of communication with your kids so that they feel empowered enough to talk to you if something is happening to them.
Something Nice for today. It gets really boring posting all the bad news all the time, so a bit of good news and then the picture below.
Today is the Anniversary of the brutal rape and mutilation of Anene Booysens, the young lady who's case was brought to the spotlight because she did unfortunately not survive this brutal attack. As sad as it is, it took a case like this to galvanize a nation into some form of action. It would have been more tragic if this case had not garnered any response, and this poor young ladies death had been in vain.
It is truly sad that it took something so horrific to actually move us to action. Why do we as a nation not take a stand against this and tell the world and all the perverts that this is not acceptable anymore.
This is something that is not going to be stopped when we have a day of activism or even 16 days of activism, it will only change when we take a daily stand against Sexual Abuse and Rape.
Fighting this starts at Home.
Parents teach your children to be safe. 90% of all Sexual abuse cases are perpetrated by someone we know, A teacher, a pastor, an uncle, cousin. We need to stop telling our children to watch out for strangers, this will give them the impression that its ok if the uncle does this because he is not a stranger.
Empower your children, talk to them about sexual abuse and how to protect themselves, but mostly open up the lines of communication with your kids so that they feel empowered enough to talk to you if something is happening to them.
Something Nice for today. It gets really boring posting all the bad news all the time, so a bit of good news and then the picture below.
An X Policeman in South Africa was sentenced to 284 years imprisonment plus 5 extra life terms for raping 16 woman. How Great a sentence is that.
Last week I scolded the N.P.A (National Prosecuting Authority) for its slack approach in a child molestation case and this week they surprise us with this sterling piece of work. Well done and thank you, people will begin to take the rape cases seriously now.
23 January
Cape Town - A 27-year-old man appeared in the
Bellville Magistrates' Court, Cape Town, on Tuesday for allegedly raping
a nine-year-old girl in Delft and setting her alight in a case that has
shocked the Cape Flats.
Prosecutor Sarah Dowries said the case was postponed for “bail information”.
He would remain in custody until his next appearance on January 28.
She said the man would face charges of rape, sexual assault, abduction and attempted murder, and the state would oppose bail.
The National Prosecuting Authority said the man could not be identified as he had not yet pleaded.
Outraged Delft residents packed the court room
and the passage outside, where they were at one point teargassed by
policemen. People scattered down the passage, choking and clutching
their shirts to their faces.
The nine-year-old victim is in the Red Cross Children's Hospital in a serious condition after the assault on Saturday night.
Kulsum Ismail, a convener of the local
community watch, who was at the court, told Sapa the girl was undergoing
treatment for severe burn wounds after the attacker allegedly poured
fuel over her and set her alight.
“She begged him to stop. She asked him to
forgive her for anything she had done to him,” said Ismail, who said the
attacker knew the girl's family.
On Saturday night, the man was apprehended by
community watch members, who spotted him walking with blood-stained
clothes, and handed over to the police.
The girl's grandmother was at court, and told
reporters her granddaughter had been on her way to her father's house
when she was dragged into vegetation near the N2 and raped.
Ismail said the community had bayed for the
attacker's blood and was angry with the community watch for handing him
over to the police.
“They do not understand. What else can we do? We are not vigilantes.”
But she criticized the justice system for being too lenient on rapists.
“He should get the death sentence because he
has taken a life. How will that girl ever recover? What kind of life has
she got left?”
After the hearing, Delft residents resumed a protest outside the court, some holding up placard's proclaiming “No bail”.
Nosintha Stafa said she had come to support the victim's family.
“Tomorrow it could be one of our children,” she said.
Sapa
Comment
It is High time that we start to talk about this, this is the Pink Elephant in the room. I am finding more and more that the Colored (Sorry for the Labels) has a HUGE problem with sexual abuse. The Prevalance of this is massive and I dont think that there is a family in the area that is not affected by sexual abuse.
Again this is not a girls only problem, it happens to the boys too. I have a couple of guys in treatment and they are really struggling.
Thing is that this is getting worse and no one is talking about this. If we dont talk up it will just go on un-challenged.
I was talking to a therapist friend of mine who works in Cape Town, and she was saying that it is sometimes so hard to take a history of a victim because it always seems like it is the whole family that is involved.
If we dont start talking about this and offering alternatives to the kids of the Cape, then we are going to see an escalation in Crime, Alcohol Abuse, Drug Abuse, and the likes. Personally I shudder at the thought of things getting worse.
How many horror stories do we need to hear before we actually get up and do something about it? Why must we be quiet about what we see, and let it perpetuate. Evil flourishes where good men do Nothing. Lets not be those good men that stand idly by whilst children suffer.
15th January
Excerpt from the times 14th January 2014The Times has learnt that on December 11, Hyde Park High School teacher Jeffrey Ostrowick, 37, pleaded guilty in the Alexandra Magistrate’s Court to contravening the Criminal Law (Sexual Offences and Related Matters) Amendment Act, relating to the unlawful and intentional display or exposure of pornography to a child.
In exchange for his guilty plea, he was sentenced to a fine of R3000 or six months’ imprisonment, as well as a further five-year prison sentence, suspended for five years.
The charges related to a photograph Ostrowick took of himself in the bath holding his genitals, which he sent to a 17-year-old male pupil.
In his affidavit before court, Ostrowick, who previously taught English at the school and is former head of its Computer Studies department, admitted that he had “no right to act in such a manner” and that he knew his actions were “wrongful”.
Comment
I cannot begin to tell you how much is wrong with this whole process.
Lets start with the fact that it has been proven that people that have these tendencies will go on to perpetrate with at least 7 people in their life time. We know that this is true, so lets list the wrongs here.
1) The NPA (National Prosecuting Authority) has chosen the easy way out by giving this man a slap on the wrist. Has this become the modus operandi of the NPA, go for a minor conviction instead of prosecuting people for their crimes. I'm am sure with a little sensitivity and kind hearted investigation they will have found other victims of this "Porn Distributor", in fact there are probably a few at the very school that took so long to suspend said "Porn Distributor" Hyde Park High. I'm sure if the young boys were given a safe place to report the wrongs of the "Porn Distributor" they would come forward. If the Police and the NPA are unwilling to do so then ask MatrixMen to assist, we will gladly help put "Porn Distributors" behind Bars.
2) Why are children, especially Boy children so afraid to report people that have been sexually inappropriate with them.? Why is the shame ALWAYS the victims? We need to make it safer for the victims to talk out about there abuse. We need to make it safer for the victims to report their abuse and go to court and see their perpetrator\s prosecuted. Why is it that the victim now has to live with their abuse for the rest of their lives. They are not encouraged to seek healing, talk about it, prosecute, or understand that this is not their fault. Why is the victim always wrong.
3) How can a Judge allow this to be pleaded out as a misdemeanor offense? Surely the judges of our fair country should know the reputation that South Africa has as the crime capital of the world, and they should jump at the opportunity to make an example of this man. Why is the Justice System allowing this to perpetuate? Do they have a vested interest in allowing this to grow?
These might be silly questions but they need to be asked because the powers that be are not doing anything to stop this scourge.
What is it going to take before the Police, NPA, Government, Schools, the Press and Media and the Medical fraternity begin to take the threat that Pedophiles pose to society seriously?
Flux Trends (http://fluxtrends.co.za/) have just released a study, which I have not gone through, but the trends are shocking, it is aptly named Born Free's or Free falls It will make for some interesting reading.
MatrixMen is trying to put together a ton of projects to help raise awareness and fight against Childhood Sexual Abuse, please if you feel that you can offer assistance, get in touch with us, we really need all the help we can get to fight this.
Four Year old Jasmin Pretorius
Today is the Funeral of 4 Year old Jasmin who was raped and Murdered by her Uncle. This is another in a string of Rape/Murders of children in South Africa.
It is a tragedy what is happening to our children, and what is worse is that this is increasing year on year. The Police seem to be powerless, government seem to be clueless, and the organizations that can actually do something about this are unable to get funding and spend most of their time raising funds rather than protecting children.
There is so much wrong with this picture, bu instead of complaining about it what is there that we can actually do about it. There are those that moan and then there are those that are galvanized to action by the news of these tragedies.
We Implore all that are keen to help to please contact us. We don't care what you feel you can do, no matter how big or small, if you feel you can help please call us ad get involved. There are organizations that need hands on experience, there are groups that need finance, there are organizations that need people to talk to and help inform children, there are groups that help counsel children that need counselors and trainers.
there is so much that can be done and if you feel inclined to get involved please, now is the time.
We are also looking to start a bike club that will take a stand against child abuse so any bikers that want to make a statement, call us.
There is a lot that you can do even if it is just calling us and finding out how you can safe guard your children, then that is already a great step in the right direction.
If you would like to find out more...call Martin on 078-457-4911
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Cape Town Child Welfare says sexual abuse cases are up from last year, with most of its cases in the greater Athlone area.
Last month, and in the
first week of this month, 38 cases were reported to the organization.
Twenty-four children across the city were abandoned.
Sexual abuse included rape, said Child Welfare CEO Niresh Ramklass, while child abandonment included babies being dumped.
In the financial year April 2010 to March, the organization dealt with 103 cases of sexual abuse and 239 cases of abandonment.
In Athlone, 35 children were
sexually abused and 145 abandoned last year. In Lotus River, Ottery,
Philippi and Pelican Park, there were 31 sexual abuse cases, 11 in
Hanover Park and 10 in Hout Bay.
In Khayelitsha, there were 29 cases of abandonment, 24 in Philippi East and 14 in Ottery, Lotus River and Pelican Park.
Athlone
ward councillor Suzette Little said an education forum would be set up
with a focus on social issues fuelling abuse and the abandonment of
children. - Cape Argus
This story is frightning because we all know that the majority of the rapes are never reported, especially child rape, and then when we add in to that the fact that Boys NEVER, well almost never report.
The figures would easily be several hundred times more than what they have, and that is scary.
I would love any ideas on what we can do to raise awareness about this scourge, and what we can do to start raising awareness.
WE NEED YOUR HELP PLEASE, I personally cannot sit back and watch this happening, so any ideas will be more than welcome.
This story is frightning because we all know that the majority of the rapes are never reported, especially child rape, and then when we add in to that the fact that Boys NEVER, well almost never report.
The figures would easily be several hundred times more than what they have, and that is scary.
I would love any ideas on what we can do to raise awareness about this scourge, and what we can do to start raising awareness.
WE NEED YOUR HELP PLEASE, I personally cannot sit back and watch this happening, so any ideas will be more than welcome.
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Isn't it just like South Africa to bring in a new year with some incredibly bad news. We have road deaths that will top the 2000 victims this year, a huge leap from last year, and we have all the other terrible news happening
Once again we have had a Murder rape of a 4 year old girl in South Africa. It turns out that it was the uncle and he hid the poor child under the fathers bed whilst the entire community was looking for her.
The uncle admitted to the murder rape the moment the police talked to him, so that's good that the SAPS got a terribly disturbed individual off the streets.
Today was the memorial service for the young victims and we had a array of Police leadership Political parties and Conservative bikers arriving at the funeral to turn the whole affair into a spectacle.
And all of this serves to raise awareness of the rampant child abuse in this country how?
Mostly there are accusations doing the rounds as to whether the father and mother were or were not there to protect the child. Was this child not left in the care of the uncle, who sadly turned out to be a pedophile.
It saddens me that this spectacle plays itself out in this country, and we as organizations are struggling to raise awareness and educate the people on how to prevent abuse and raise awareness about it.
At least we have the respect to stay away from the funeral and allow the family to mourn.
I implore the Political parties to stay away from funerals and the likes unless invited. This is not about politics, this is about children that are being raped and murdered at an alarming rate in this country.
Rather use all the other platforms available to you to raise awareness or approach organizations such as ourselves or the 1000's of other NGO's that are struggling to make inroads into this curse.
I know that there is an election next year but please lets not scrape the bottom of the barrel here.
MatrixMen makes a point of not getting into politics but we have to point out here, that the Leadership does nothing but show-boating every time there is a a horrible rape murder. You come and make all the promises in the world and that is the end of it. Governments will to fight against this problem is severely lacking.
If they were keen to fight this crime then the stats would be decreasing not increasing.
Please stop the politicking and do something concrete to fight this, if you don't have the capacity or the will, then step aside and let the organizations that exist do their work, and make the funding available.
You have failed our children, and I wish that we could put you on trial, you would all get life sentences. The rapes and murders that have increased, the children headed households, the lack of empathy for victims of rape, male and female, and the text book scandal this year are a few examples.
OK rant over.
MatrixMen will however be at the trial raising awareness about the scourge of Child Rape and Murder in South Africa.
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